Mixed Feelings
by cm757
Summary: Steve and Kono have mixed feelings. They want Kono to get her badge back, but at the same time they don't. Now how is that possible? Read and find out! I suck at summaries, tell me if you like the story! Steve/Kono romance, really what's not to like?
1. Chapter 1

**Mixed Feelings **

**Authors note: Hi guys! So, here I am again! I owe this to Badhairdays (you are awesome) for giving me this idea to work on, and I just gotta say, I hope I can do it justice!**

**So basically, Steve is confused because he absolutely HAS to give Kono her badge back, but he also can't stop thinking about the implications of not being her boss anymore, there for being able to do things he couldn't before… **

**In the mean while, Kono is having the exact same thoughts, and although her badge was her life, she can't stop thinking about the possibilities that not working for Five-0 anymore could open for her and Steve…**

**So what do you think? Read the first chapter and let me know if it's worth continuing. Also let me know what rating you would like to see on this, because for now I'll just keep it a T. **

**Chapter 1**

It annoyed him to no end. It seriously pissed him the hell off. Well, he seriously pissed **himself **off. Because he couldn't believe that Kono had lost her badge and her job on his watch and that he was supposed to help her, and instead he was lying on his bed not being able to fall asleep because he couldn't stop thinking about what the possibilities would be if he was **not** her boss anymore.

It wasn't something he tried to deny, at least not by now. He had realized he felt this way about her for a long time and after months of avoiding and denying, he finally admitted it to himself. Not that it changed anything though; he still woke up covered in sweat every time he had a dream about her- and believe me, not the bad kind of sweat, more like the hot and bothered kind of sweat-, he still had to use complete self restraint at work to stop himself from looking at her every other minute, he still felt that tightening knot when she was in any kind of danger. In conclusion- he was still completely smitten about her.

Only in the past, when thoughts of her entered his mind, namely thoughts of her long tanned legs wrapping around his waist and- **focus, focus - **whenever thoughts like that came to mind, he would just bring up the old fashion excuses that he got more tired with day after day.

_You're her boss._

_She's Chin Ho's cousin._

_You're supposed to protect her, not have feelings for her._

_She works __**with**__ you._

But the words just seemed meaningless as he used them all too often. And as they just lost meaning to him, the thoughts invaded his mind without his permission, and he was left wondering… wondering what would be like to hold her, wondering what would be like to kiss her, wondering what would be like to make love to her. Wondering… not something he was very good at. He was more like the –act now, wonder later- kind of guy. But this time, he couldn't act on the damn thing. And so he settled for… wondering.

The problem was, he felt guilty for wondering. She had lost her freaking badge because he hadn't been able to protect her, it was his fault that she had lost her job that she considered one of the most important things to her, and even though he had every desire to give that life back to her, he also had every desire **not** to. Because now he _wondered _if the repercussions wouldn't be so bad anymore, he wondered if maybe now that he wasn't her boss, that she didn't work for him anymore, that there was no good reason stopping him, maybe he could make his move. And he hated himself for even thinking about that, but the worst part was:

He couldn't help it.

….

Kono sat in her couch, coffee mug in hand, pathetic sitcom on TV, her hair still wet from the shower she had taken and completely relaxed. A perfect way to spend a Saturday night without going out, right? Wrong, so wrong. Because from the outside, sure, she may have seemed loosened up and calm, but her head was **anything but** calm right now.

Not even surfing had helped her today; she hadn't been able to concentrate in the water. Thoughts whirled around at the speed of bullets on her mind and she just felt like she was about to explode at any second. So she came home, hoping the silence here could clear her head a bit. It didn't. It only made it worse, no distraction whatsoever.

And so she was left **thinking. **

About everything. About her badge. About Five-0. About her ohana. About how much she missed them. About how much she would have to suffer. About Chin. About Danny.

She thought of everything… but not Steve.

No, that was just out of question. That was a thought she had tried to repress since her investigation was over and she was no longer a cop. She wouldn't allow herself to think about it.

Except, that **was** what she wanted to think about. He was what she wanted to figure out right now. And it only infuriated her that even though her badge was gone, even though she didn't work at Five-0 anymore, even though she had been away from her family, she couldn't stop thinking about him. She just couldn't, because now she started reconsidering all those last few months spent as a team. And what they meant.

A few months after she had been working with them, she felt like Steve and her already had this sort of… silent agreement.

Gazes that lingered on each other, flirting constantly between them, brushing that was **supposedly** accidental, but that in truth was anything but. They were both very aware they couldn't go further than that, so the silent agreement was simply:

_Don't do anything, and I won't either._

The problem was, since she could remember, she had wanted to break it over and over and over again. And she was sure he had wanted to do it too. But she just kept reminding herself.

_He's your boss._

_He's Chin's friend._

_You're supposed to learn from him, not have feelings for him._

_You work __**with **__him._

Not that those helped much. She still found herself looking at him whenever he didn't notice, or constantly thinking about him, or imagining him over her and with his- **focus, focus **– anyway, the words didn't help at all, because with time they became just that. Words. A group of letters that made no sense whatsoever anymore.

And she wanted to slap herself for that. Because instead of spending every waking minute hoping she'd get her badge back, she spent them trying to ignore the voice in her head that was always whispering to her:

_But what __**if**__ you didn't, what would happen then?_

Nothing, she thought. Nothing would happen, because she didn't want it to happen. Yeah right, keep convincing yourself of that, maybe one day you'll actually believe it.

She hated herself for even thinking of the possibility that now that there were no barriers between them anymore, they could actually explore what they hadn't been able to do before. She hated herself for thinking that, but the worst part was:

She couldn't help it.

….

**So… what do you think? Worth continuing? Did you like the different POV's? Their thoughts? Did you love it? Did you hate it? Please drop a review and let me know what you think and if I should continue!**

**Special thank you to Badhairdays, we kind of have been each other's betas… Love you girl, and don't forget, update!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Mixed Feelings part 2**

She was depressed. There was no going around it, she was depressed. It really wasn't a surprise, losing her badge had been as difficult as losing surfing, or even worse, since being a cop was what took her out of the funk she was in once she realized she could never be a pro surfer. And so, resuming, she was a mess. To be truthful, she had felt that her friends had not given her that much… support. Not her normal friends, she had plenty of them, but the friends from the heart, namely, the ones she had made in Five-0. She supposed she could be exaggerating, but she had expected Danny of all people would come and reassure her everything would be ok. Nope, not one visit, not one phone call, not one talk. Nothing. She had talked to Chin a couple of times, he had assured her they were gonna get her back. Yeah, that was going great so far. But most of all, she had thought Steve- no, don't go there, she scolded herself. You didn't expect Steve to do anything, nothing! He was just your boss, it's not like he was your bright and shiny armor! God, get a grip of yourself!

She sighed tiredly and got up from her chair, going around the kitchen counter and pouring a glass full of juice. Since she had become a cop, she had expected to fight, like, a lot. Expected to fight the bad guys, fight the laws, fight for her survival. But she had never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, expected to fight her feelings. Especially, not feelings like this. It's like, when she was at work, when she actually **had** one to keep her busy, this would just kind of get pushed and pushed and pushed to the bottom, like a seven layers cake and you just kept adding more layers. Or something like that. Anyway, the point **is**, when she was working, this… feelings, would just go passed her and she didn't even think twice about them, but now, now that the walls between them were already down, now that the excuses didn't stick, now that she was no longer working for him, now that she actually had time to think about it… she wanted it. She wanted **him.** And it infuriated her that with all that was going on around her, this was all she could think about.

Bitch.

But, pushing apart her feelings, what actually hurt her more was that he hadn't been there for her. Sure, she usually went with the excuse "he's your boss, nothing more", but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. She felt left apart, replaced. She wondered how they could just forget about her like that, like she was just another piece of paperwork that went by their desks. And she was mad at him, she was so mad. There were nights when all she wanted was for him to hug her tight and to tell her they didn't forget about her, they would get her back, all that shit that sounds so lame when people say it, but when you're actually the one listening, you couldn't care less if it wasn't true. It comforted you. It would comfort her. But when those nights ended, she just felt like slapping him hard across the face and make him realize that **she was still there!** She still needed someone by her side! She wasn't all that strong that she wanted to go through this alone!

She grunted heavily. God, why was this so hard? She just wanted all this to end; she didn't want to feel like this, she didn't want this to be happening! She wanted… she just wanted it to stop!

…..

Steve was just getting home after one of the longest days at work. They just got a new case, which should get things moving, right? Not really. Not freaking really, because even though they had a murder to take care of all his mind could think was "_Go see Kono, go see Kono, go see Kono!_" and all he could say back was "Kind of in the middle of something here, like a murder!"

But guess what? Now he was alone, at home, just casually grabbing a beer from his fridge. He didn't have anything to do, no one to meet. So, now there were no excuses. No excuses to just go over to Kono's and talk to her. Or at least try to, he was pretty sure she hated him by now. So why was he still there? Well the answer to that is actually very simple, but oh-so-smolderingly painful. He had to keep his distance. Just like that. Except it wasn't just like that. He was very much aware that there had always been this kind of… tension (the _**very**_ good kind) between them two, not that they had ever addressed it. Ad he was sure that Kono had felt the same way about him as he felt about her, but he couldn't do that to her. He couldn't just take advantage of her like that. Because he knew, he **knew** that in his heart, deep down, he didn't want her to go back to Five-0. Not because she was a bad cop, she was one of the most promising he had ever seen in his life. It was because he didn't want anymore barriers between them, anymore complications. But he also **knew** that Five-0 had become her life, her joy. He couldn't take that away from her.

Even if they ever crossed that line they had been wanting to cross since almost day one, he knew he would hurt her. He sucked at this, even though he was aware of his feelings for her, he sucked at relationships. And he was just torn between wanting to comfort her and having to keep himself at arm's length, because if they did ever go that way, one taste would never be enough. He would want her, plain and simple. He already wanted her. But he would never be capable of hurting her, making her cry. And so he just… kept his distance. And oh God, it had hurt him so much to do so. So incredibly much. But he had to do it. For Kono. Even if they both wanted it, it wouldn't be the right choice.

And besides, he was sure this would wear off eventually.

Yeah right. Keep thinking like that and you may actually believe it one day.

….

**Authors note: Soooo, what do you think? I decided to put you all out of your misery and end the thoughts in this chapter, next will be the confrontation… wonder what will happen...? Guess you'll have to read to find out! And please, honeys, please review! See you soon!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Mixed Feelings part 3**

**Authors note: **Hi guys! So, I don't know if it's because of the story or just because school is already here or something else but I haven't had that many readers. For the ones that are still with me, well get ready because it's confrontation time! Translation- fiery angst! Just my thing! Yupi! Big thank you to all thank you to all my reviewers and specially Badhairdays, btw check out her story "Starring contests and other games" it's awesome. Just like her!

Also, my postings will slow down a bit, exams are a bitch, sorry!

Hope you like this chapter!

**Chapter 3**

She was simply done. Just like that. She was plain simple done with all of it. Done with being depressed, done with being alone, done with being sad, done with struggling with every freaking feeling that swept through her. SHE WAS DONE. She was gonna do something about it her own damn self. It was that attitude that got her to where she was now.

Sitting alone in her car, in front of Lt. Commander Steve McGarrett's house.

Taking a deep breath to calm herself down and collect her thoughts, it really wouldn't be too good to go there and explode with anger, although it was probably what she was going to do anyway, she opened the door and stepped out of the car. Her mind was whirling around a hundred miles per hour as she got closer to his front door. This was gonna end right there, she was gonna give him a piece of her mind and then she was going to walk away, just leave him feeling guilty all over, exactly what she wanted him to feel after not hearing from him in over two months. **Two freaking Godamn months.**

It was a Sunday afternoon, so she figured he was most definitely at home. She got to his front porch and stopped when she was facing his door. She didn't even think of reconsidering it. She just raised her hand and knocked fervently on it. She only had to wait about five seconds until she heard the familiar sound of shuffling from the inside and then the door swung open.

…OH FUCK. Oh, are you kidding me? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Yeah, those were the first thoughts passing through her. Because this just had to be a freaking joke, she though. I mean, seriously? There he stood, Steve McGarrett himself, looking at her. Only one little problem. He was wearing trunks. Like, swim trunks. Do you have any idea what that means? That freaking means he is naked from the waist up! FROM THE WAIST UP! As in, showing off his for the Love of God fucking perfect abs and biceps. Seriously, hadn't she taken enough?

This all went in her head in a second, and as soon as his eyes focused intently on hers, she shoved past him and abruptly entered his house.

To say that Steve was surprised to see her, well that would be an understatement. To say that he was terrified to see her, yeah that would be pretty much right.

"Kono?" Steve asked with a frown as he closed the door behind him.

"So, tell me, was I just another partner or something?" Kono bluntly asked. She couldn't care less if he actually allowed her in his house or not.

"What?" Steve asked, honestly confused.

"Was I just another partner?" she repeated slowly. "Because I was really starting to consider you guys like my family. You and Danny were two of the most amazing people I had ever met! So why is it that I didn't even hear from you two in God knows how long after I helped save your sorry ass out of jail?" she asked angrily.

"Hey watch it Kono-"Steve started, but was interrupted as she took a step forward in his direction.

"No, you watch it, Steve!" she responded back harshly. "Because here is the thing. You once called us all your ohana. You called **me** part of your ohana. So, how, Steve, please do tell me how, can you just leave your ohana alone? All alone to deal with her problems and you don't even offer your support! I mean, isn't that what people do for each other? Or did I have a completely wrong idea of what you were? Because right now, you sure do seem like a freaking ass who doesn't give a shit." She said the last part through gritted teeth.

"Kono…" Steve warned.

"No, now it's my turn to talk." She said, her tone leaving no space for argument. "I sat in my apartment for days at a time, thinking about what I had done to deserve this. What I had done do lose my badge just like that, what I had done to be in the place I am right now, but mostly what I had done to not deserve the tinniest bit of support. Not one phone call, not one talk, not one meeting, not one "just checking up on you". Nothing. So now you're gonna tell me." She demanded.

"Tell you what?" Steve asked, his tone rising.

"You're gonna tell me why you haven't been there when I needed it! Did I really matter that little to you guys that you didn't even remember that I actually **was** here? That I was actually hurting?" she said, her tone almost breaking with the intensity of it.

Steve's eyes widened as she stopped talking. He actually had no idea how he was going to answer that. The truth would probably just… yeah; the truth was definitely **not** a good idea. He could lie to her, with the anger and adrenaline passing through her veins she wouldn't realize he was lying anyway, but what exactly would he tell her? That she was right, the he didn't care for her? That she didn't matter that much to him? Those were complete bullshit, he could never tell her that, it would just hurt her more, and it killed him to see her like this already. Right now he was only thinking of one thing.

He wanted to make it all go away.

He just wanted to make everything better. But something told him that the way he wanted to do it would cause regrets in the morning…

"What are you asking me Kono?"

Kono's eyes were hard as steel as she stared at him.

"I'm asking you, why weren't you there?" she pronounced every word firmly.

"I… I don't know…" Lie. Complete lie. He knew damn well why, he just couldn't tell her. Yeah, playing dumb always worked.

"Don't give me that shit McGarret." She threatened.

Steve made a mental note that if she ever went back to Five-0 they needed to put her in the interrogation room more often.

"Kono…" Steve whispered pleadingly. It was only then that he realized how close they were to each other. And that he had unconsciously started to lean in.

Kono had also noticed what was happening, or about to anyway. She surprised herself when she didn't even start walking back. She was drawn to him; she always was, like a freaking magnet. But as soon as she stepped in it she quickly snapped out of the trance.

"Don't." was all she said.

He paused momentarily and looked into her big brown eyes. For the first time in a long time he wasn't able to see anything in her eyes, they were just… emotionless.

"Why?" he didn't expect a response from her as he leaned in once again after the question left his mouth. Because he knew damn well why. But for the first time in months, he didn't give a crap at that moment.

But suddenly Kono pushed him away roughly and stepped back.

"You know what? You did the right thing after all. I'm glad you didn't come and see me." No, she wasn't. "Stay away from me McGarrett."

And with that she walked decisively to the door, opening it without hesitation and closing it with a loud thud that was heard throughout the entire house.

**Authors note: So, did you like it? I apologize for the time it took me to update, school had been hard with the exams! LOL. Hope I can update soon, until then, bye my fellow readers!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Mixed Feelings part 4**

**Authors note: Hi guys! So sorry I haven't updated in a few days, testes have been driving me crazy! But anyway, enough about school, lets get to this chapter.**

**So, not really sure what's gonna happen in this chapter, maybe like some Danny and Kono or Chin and Kono, but I'm not gonna put another Steve and Kono confrontation in here… yet. But I'll give you a hint… in a couple of chapters the chapter will be called "If everyone cared". Now for those of you who don't know this is actually a song from nickelback, amazing by the way, but that's not the point. Listening to the lyrics, that's the point. Listen to it, and feel free to interpret as you wish, just know that… the "I never dreamed that you would be mine" part, well… I think that pretty much says it all… can't give more away! Please enjoy this chapter! **

**And of course, huge thank you to Badhairdays, love you girl!**

**Chapter 2 **

Sitting in the floor of her apartment, next to the door, she didn't even make it to the couch, the tears fell freely down her cheeks, as if that would take some of the pain away. It didn't. It never did. That's why she hated crying; nothing good ever came out of it. It was a sign of weakness, of sadness, but it didn't change anything at all. It was just letting your barriers down. Another reason why she hated it. She never had her barriers down. Ever. Not once. And it was just so… frustrating, that in the blink of an eye, that man could kick those walls down without even trying. It made her want to throw something, to get angry at whatever or whoever it was that stepped in her way. But she couldn't do anything about it. And so… for the first time in what felt like and probably were years of holding them down, those tears broke free, one after another one after another one. Surprisingly, it made her feel a little better; but she knew from experience that once they stopped, that feeling would go away, leaving an emptiness inside her that made her want to crawl into a corner and never come out.

Deciding that she would just sit in her couch instead of her cold floor, she got herself up and slowly, shakily even, made her way towards her small living room. She didn't even make it inside when she heard the sound of a car being parked in front of her building.

_It could be anyone. _She thought to herself. And she was right, it could be anyone, the building wasn't that small that she was the only one getting visitors. So, why didn't the voice in her head that repeated on high alert _"Do not open the door if someone knocks on it_!" shut the hell up?

Shrugging it off, she lowered herself onto her couch. Head dropping back and eyes squeezed shut; she tried her best to keep the tears from falling again. _No. Not again. Please._ She thought. She did everything she could so she would think of anything but that, but before she could start to distract herself, a pounding noise resonated through her apartment. Her eyes shot open and panic cursed through her as a cold shower. And then her thoughts all diverted back to one thing: _Please don't let it be him._

She considered ignoring it. She really did. But something about the constant noise of a fist connecting with her wooden door told her that her visitor wasn't giving up all that soon. Tiredly getting up, she walked the little distance it took to get to her front door. She just jumped straight in, consequences be damned. She swung the door open abruptly, already expecting Steve to be on the other side. She almost let out a cry of relief and she saw that Steve wasn't at all who was facing her now.

**Authors note: Oh, I know, I know, mean! But for those of you who have read my stories you know that I just have to start the suspense with a shot chapter! Don't worry though, the chapters will get longer, I promise! That is, if you review…**


	5. Chapter 5

**Mixed Feelings part 5**

**Authors note: I don't really have anything to pinpoint here, except that we're getting closer to another Steve/Kono confrontation… please review and tell me if you like this so far!**

**Chapter 5**

_She almost let out a cry of relief and she saw that Steve wasn't at all who was facing her now._

"Hey."

Kono felt a wave of joy pass through her as she saw him there, but quickly mask it and the feeling that took place was one of anger, he had still broken her heart no matter what.

"What are you doing here Danny?" she asked, her tone ice cold.

"Can I come in?" Danny asked her, shooting her a small smile.

Kono huffed exasperatedly.

"Would you even listen if I said no?"

Danny's smile grew.

"Not really."

Without wanting it, the corners of her mouth formed a small smile of her own. She knew Danny wouldn't give up, that was one thing that he and Steve had most definitely in common.

"Come in." she told him, stepping away from the door.

Danny stepped in quietly and stopped in the middle of her leaving room, waiting for her to turn around. As soon as she did, she wasted no time in crossing her arms and schooling her features one more time.

"What are you doing here?"

Danny felt guilt spreading all over him as he heard her flat tone again. He deserved it; he had been an ass to her. She had helped them all through a lot; she had helped them because they were her friends. Yeah, big friend he was, he didn't even go to see her once when she was going through one of the hardest times in her life. He sighed and hung his head. He was such an ass.

"I came to see you. And to apologize." He said, lifting his head and searching her face for any sign that she was gonna throw something at him.

But instead she just dropped her arms to her side and moved towards her kitchen. Without saying a word, she picked up a knife and started cutting some lettuce. Partly because she wanted to ignore him, and the other part because she only then realized that she was starving.

"Apologize for what?" she finally asked, her voice still flat.

"C'mon Kono, just listen to me please." Danny pleaded her, he was not gonna play this game.

"I'm not talking to you Danny." She said with a decisive tone.

"That's why I didn't ask you to talk, just to listen." He responded. He immediately regretted it though as she turned towards him with a murderous look on her face.

"Sorry, not the time. Just please listen." Danny asked again. She didn't make a move at all, so he approached her carefully and stopped 5 feet from her.

"Okay. Let me just say first, Kono I am so sorry. I am. I should never have done that, I should have come see you and-"

"You damn well should have." Kono shot back, interrupting him.

"I know. I know." Danny conceded. "I guess I just… I forgot that you're not invincible. I mean, you are an amazing cop and you never let anything get in the way of your work, and I forgot that we all need help sometimes. That you needed help." He stopped as he took another step towards her. "I kept telling myself that you would be ok, you were the toughest person I knew, except for Steve's version of Rambo of course-" Kono's mouth showed a small smile. "-and I just never even thought that this was too much for anyone to bear. Especially with no friends around to help you. And I am so sorry for that Kono. Really."

Kono's eyes were still fixed on the knife in her hand and she tried her best to not let all the feelings overcome her.

"Why… why now then?"

"It had gone too far." Danny answered flawlessly. "It had gone too far and I had to do something about it."

"WHY DANNY?" she suddenly yelled as she turned around. "I was doing just fine the last month without my friends here. I certainly realized I didn't need you guys here, not that you even wanted to be, and I had just starting to get used to it. To not have you guys freaking here." She hissed as she took one step towards him. "I don't need here Danny."

"Uh Kono, look I love you and all, but you are gonna have to put down that knife." Danny said, eyes glued to the knife in her hand wavering through the air.

Kono dropped it fiercely on the counter.

"Danny. You have no idea what I went through; don't even think that you do. I had no one. No one. And now what, you just waltz back in here and expect me to be fine with it?" she asked, her voice almost pleading.

Not thinking about it, Danny closed the distance between them and enveloped her in a tight hug. He was surprised though as he felt her tiny arms wrapping around him and her shoulders starting to shake as the tears broke free once again.

"I don't know how many times you need me to say this, but I'll say it as much as you want. I'm sorry. I should have been here, supporting you. Making sure you were going through this. I'm sorry." He whispered the last sentence.

Her sobs continued for a couple of minutes and then she pulled back from him, whipping her tears from her face.

"But it's not just you Danny! Not even Steve has come to see me once!"

Suddenly Danny's laughter filled her apartment and she looked confused back at him.

"Well, I can't say I'm surprised to hear that." he said with a smirk.

"What? Why?"

"O c'mon Kono, it doesn't matter if you're a freaking Navy SEAL, NOBODY has that kind of control!"

Kono's eyes grew wide.

"WHAT?"

"Oh please. It does not take a genius to get this!" God, why did they keep dancing around each other? "I can tell you for sure, that if he had come to see you in this last months, you would have both woken up the next morning with no clothes on."


	6. Chapter 6

**Mixed Feelings part 6**

**Authors note: So, not really sure what's gonna happen. I don't know if I should put the confrontation in this one or just the next, no idea at all. I guess I'll just have to figure it out as I go! I hope you like it!**

**Also, I'm gonna put a code here that Kono is gonna use against Steve. Can anyone guess what the numbers mean when you read it? Just a hint *cough* episode *cough* two.**

**Chapter 6**

"_I can tell you for sure, that if he had come to see you in this last months, you would have both woken up the next morning with no clothes on."_

Kono could swear she felt her cheeks on complete fire as she heard the words leave Danny's mouth. Her jaw dropped to the floor and she was kind of having a hard time moving at all with the shock.

And Danny just stood there with the biggest smirk ever.

"WHAT?" She shouted.

And Danny just grinned.

"Danny!" she shouted again.

And he just smiled.

"Danny…" her tone changed now. Understanding that this time she was actually threatening him, Danny snapped out of it and answered back.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"What are you talking about?" By now Kono was ready to force him to answer with all the frustration.

"Hmmm, what am I talking about… well lets see…" Danny said while leaning against the counter. "Would you like me to start at the part where you two were practically sexing each other with your eyes every time you looked at the other or the part that from day one you two had to restrain yourselves from waltzing in the storage room and do it right down and there?"

Kono wouldn't move an inch even if the world was ending.

Danny's smirk grew bigger.

"What? Cat ate you tongue?" he teased her.

"Why… what… how do you know that?" honestly that was the best she could come up with at the moment.

"Oh c'mon Kono! Not even the Pope could miss it!" he threw his hands in the air desperately.

"And how the hell does that have to do with him not even showing a little support for the past two freaking months Danny?" she finally asked, anger rising to the surface one more time.

"Yeah, something tells me that he wouldn't have been able to stop another kind of _support_…" he mumbled under his breath.

"What the fuck are you humming about?" Kono asked, hand slapping on the top of the counter.

Danny was about to open his mouth again when a soft thud was heard from the hallway.

Kono continued to look at him impatiently waiting for a response when she saw Danny's face lit up into a mischievous smirk.

"Well I'll let some other person answer that." Danny said quickly as he started walking out of the kitchen.

Kono followed him, both suspicious and completely confused.

"What are you talking about Danny?" Kono asked as she continued to chase him until they were almost to the door.

At that moment, Danny turned towards her with a smile from ear to ear and put his hand on the knob.

"Well honey, you **did **spend a year working with us." He opened the door and stepped into the hallway. "You should at least recognize the sound of combat booths walking around on a carpeted floor."

And with that he was off, already walking to the stairs.

Kono stood there for a moment, not really getting the point Danny had tried to make. Yeah, it wasn't until she heard a muffled "_Danny?"_ coming not far from her door that her eyes went wider then they had ever been and she sprinted towards the door, closing it with a loud thud.

Oh Fuck. Oh she was so screwed.

Her back pressed against the door and one ear glued to it, she listened as someone's steps got closer to her door. Closer, and closer, and closer, and closer… and closer.

_Thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud_… until…

Her back left the door just as a loud knock resonated throughout her tiny apartment.

_Don't answer it! Don't you fucking answer it!_

Yeah, because she already had a pretty good idea of who was in the hallway.

God, she just couldn't keep her mouth shut, could she?

No, of course she couldn't. She just had to go over there and give him a piece of her mind. I mean, did she really expect that he would back off now?

Running a frustrated hand through her hair, she was just about to walk towards her door when his voice was heard.

"This is gonna end in a fight so if you don't want it to happen don't answer the door."

She stopped dead in her tracks. Yep, definitely Steve's voice. And double yep, this was soooo definitely going to end in a fight. Now the question was… did she want to fight with him again? To just yell at him over and over and over and then maybe he would see that she had been through hell with no one there to support her?

Or did she want to ignore him? She knew what **not** ignoring him would mean. It would mean that she didn't really want him to back off. That she wanted him to be there for her, even if it was just to hear her let go of all that had been pilling over those past two months.

And to ignore him would be… the right thing to do…

You know what? She didn't like playing by rules anyway.

Decisively, she walked towards the door and put her hand in the knob. Yes, she had made up her mind.

Swinging the door open, she found herself face to face with Steve. Thank God that he wasn't wearing swim trunks again. That would be embarrassing.

He was wearing his usual dark T-shirt with a pair of grey cargo pants. Well that was new. Cargo pants.

"What?" she asked coldly, exactly the same tone she had used with Danny. Okay, maybe with a little more edge on it.

Steve didn't even wait for an invitation, just shoved past her right into her apartment. Yeah, ok, Kono could see the irony in it. She had waltzed in to his apartment, he waltzes in in hers. She got the message.

Already irritated, she shoved the door closed and turned to him with a harsh composure. She wasn't gonna make this easy for him, it's not like he deserved it.

"I'm gonna ask one more time." She said, slowly making her way towards him. "What, do, you, want?"

"Oh well, just checking if you wanted to grab some pizza- what do you **think** I want Kono?" Ok, so he wasn't gonna make this easy either.

"Well, since you haven't been here for two months I wouldn't know." She threw back at him. That's right; she knew how to play hard too.

"Would you **stop** it Kono?" Steve asked with a hard tone while advancing at her.

"Stop what?" Kono shot back. This was like a game between them, but at the same time this was anything but a game. This was so much serious than that.

"Don't you dare play dumb with me Kono." Steve said through gritted teeth.

Kono kept her eyes locked on his in a glare that would make any man drop to his knees. But of course, not Steve. She tried not to squirm under his gaze.

"Oh I'm not playing Steve. I am dead serious; in fact, I **was** dumb enough to think you were my friend." Yeah, she wasn't playing around today when it came to making him suffer.

"You know what?" Steve asked. "First, you know damn well why I wasn't there."

She was just about to open her mouth and say that she didn't when he interrupted her.

"And second, what do you know about friends?" wow, that surprised her. "Because I thought friends weren't suppose to betray each other. Then would you please like to tell me what was Fryer?"

Ouch. Man, that was low.

Kono felt the pain shoot through her. Almost immediately followed by anger.

"WHAT?" She yelled.

"Well, you're there lecturing me about being a good friend whom you know Kono…" his face was closer to hers now "… wasn't all that exactly what we were…"

Oh, Kono had a pretty good idea that they weren't exactly the friendly type. More like I wanna fuck you type.

"But if you **are** telling me I wasn't a good friend, than what the fuck were you?" he shouted, anger rising in him too.

"Hey-"

"No excuse me! You betrayed us Kono! Don't forget you called us your ohana too! What the hell happened to you?" Steve asked again.

"I had to do it!" wait, since when was she on the defensive mode? Wow, he was good.

"You had to do it? And you forgot about us to do so?"

"Well you're the one to talk, you forgot about me too!" she yelled in his face. That's right man; I'll pay you back with everything I got.

"Oh and for the record, I didn't forget about you!" she added.

Steve chuckled dryly.

"Yeah, right."

Kono felt another wave of overpowering anger sweep through her. She took a step towards him, forcing him to step back.

"Three, one, two, right and left." She said as she continued to advance at him.

Once she saw his confused look she stopped.

"What?" Steve asked.

Fucking dumb-ass.

"Three, one, two right and left." She repeated, this time gesturing it with her hands.

Steve's confused look only added another wave of frustration.

She gestured it again, this time without opening her mouth.

She raised three fingers, then pointed to herself with one, then raised another two, and then pointed right and left.

She could point out the exact moment when Steve finally got it. His eyes turned into a darker shade of that deep hypnotizing blue that they already were and his mouth was now open a notch. Yeah man, it was time you got it.

"What… How… You remember that?" he asked mumbling.

Kono bit the inside of her cheek. She was stepping on dangerous waters here.

"Yeah. I remember. It was the first time I had been in that position, and you saved me. You saved my life. And that's the thing Steve. I did this to protect you guys, and it's over now. You, on the other hand… you just did what you did to hurt me."

Steve's head snapped up.

"I did not do it to hurt you Kono. I did it to protect you."

Kono gave him a laugh that had absolutely no humor in it.

"Right. Because I need to be protected. I'm just the damsel in trouble right Steve?" she asked him sarcastically.

"Kono, that was not what I meant-"

"Bite me." Kono shot at him.

Steve's eyebrows shot up.

"What?"

"You heard me. Bite me. Screw you. There is no excuse for what you did. Don't try to make it better by telling me you had to protect me 'cause I don't need your freaking _protection_ Steve." She might as well said excrement instead of protection; the meaning would have been the same to her.

But apparently not to Steve. Because next thing she knew she was literally backing off as he started to walk towards her.

She took a step back. He took one forward. She took one back. He took one forward. One back. One forward. One back. One forward. Until… well, let's be honest here, the wall had to come up from somewhere. Kono silently cursed as she felt her back hit the wall, and watched with horror… or maybe excitement, she was completely clueless by now, as Steve didn't stop advancing at her.

And then he was in her space. Crowding her. Literally giving her nowhere to escape. Her stomach did flip-flops when she realized that his face was pretty much inches from her own. She felt like she couldn't move and, that if she did, it would break whatever the hell was going on at that moment.

"I dare you to stop me right now." Steve said in a rough whisper.

Oh God, if this was someone else, tantalizing her like this, Kono was sure he would be lying on the floor by now. But it wasn't someone else. It was Steve.

And sure enough, next thing she knew, without expecting her to give him permission, his lips collided onto hers in a harsh kiss that only made her stomach warm at the feeling.

Oh screw it. He wasn't leaving tonight and neither was she.

**Authors note: So… what do you think? Did you like the confrontation? I tried to make this chapter a little longer but the chapters following this one will probably be a shorter than this.**

**PS: I haven't had that many reviewers yet and, although I do not like it, my ego **_**is**_** quite fragile, so if I don't get 9 reviews for this chapter I will not continue this story. Sorry buddies, that's the deal, so leave a review!**

**for those of you who didn't figure it out, the hand signals were from episode two when Steve and the guys saved Kono**


	7. Chapter 7

**Mixed Feelings part 7**

**Authors note: Hey guys! How are you doing? Did you like the last chapter? BTW, the code I mentioned, you should go re-watch episode 2 from the first season because when Steve saves Kono from the warehouse, he gives her a little sign from upstairs, exactly what I described. Congratulations to the ones who figured it out!**

**Anyway, in this chapter we will see what Steve and Kono decide to do about their little… situation *cough cough*. Not sure what's really gonna happen after that, but I'll figure it out as I go. PM me if you have any ideas! Also, the deal stands, 9 reviews!**

**As always, a huge thank you to Badhairdays for her support and of course, if you haven't read her story yet, go read it and then come back to thank me for exposing you to the marvelous story she wrote! She's fantastic!**

**Chapter 7**

It was the almost shy sun light coming in through her blinds that woke her that morning. In her sleep-numbed mind it took her a while to register that something was different. Like… something was strangely off. Oh, that's right; there were a pair of arms encircling her waist.

…

…

…

…

OH!

Crap!

Shit!

OH MY GOD!

Ok, calm down, she told herself. But, just a piece of information, it was actually difficult to calm down when a million pictures of the previous night flashed before your eyes, making you feel your cheeks flaming hot. And other parts kind of sore.

She opened her eyes completely and squinted them at the blinds. There still wasn't much sunlight coming in through them, she guessed it wasn't that late either. But it was late enough that they would probably have to get up in an hour or two.

Unexpectedly, the thought alone left her somewhat sad. Apart from her little freak-out, because let's face it, it isn't every day you wake up- she took a look under the sheets- yeah, naked, with Steve McGarret by your side, but apart from that, this had felt so… right. She had no idea if it was because they had both been waiting for this for what felt like decades now or if it was just because there was always this… chemistry, between them, but the thought of him leaving and this never happening again… there was no point in hiding it, it saddened her.

God, how could she have been so stupid? She knew what would happen, she knew the consequences. And still, she didn't stop him. I mean seriously, who the hell would expect her to stop that guy? But, no matter what, she should have, because doing this got her nowhere. She didn't have her job back, her life was still a mess and she would never be able to do it again.

Great. Freaking great.

She tried to gently slip out of his hold (the talk had to come at some point and she really didn't want to do it completely naked), but she felt his arms tightening across her waist. She lifted her head a little so she could look at his face. His eyes were still closed, but she noticed that his breathing had changed. He was probably already awake. She was about to call his name when he spoke up first.

"Just give it a few more minutes."

She sighed sadly. Burying her head in his chest, she closed her eyes and her voice came out a little muffled.

"It will only make it worse." She said, and she knew she was right, but she still didn't make another move to get up. She felt him bury his head in her hair too.

"I know." He replied, but he didn't move to get up either.

And they stayed like that, for what seemed like hours. In silence, neither one wanting to break it off and get back to the real world. They wanted to enjoy the last few moments with each other before it all got lost in one night they would never talk about again.

They were both almost falling asleep again when Steve's phone went off. He groaned irritably and rolled away from Kono, leaning over the bed and grabbing the phone from his pocket, somehow he didn't have the time to take it out the night before, hmmm… wonder what may have caused that.

He took one look at the caller ID and groaned again. Of course, who else would it be?

"Danny." He saluted sarcastically over the phone.

Kono could already get that Danny had started rambling away about Steve always being late and that if he wasn't on his way right now Danny would go to his house and kick his ass off bed. Except he would probably find it empty.

"Danny. Danny. Danny!" Steve yelled over the phone to get his friend to shut up. "Just relax, I'm on my way." He was about to hang up when both him and Kono could hear perfectly fine when Danny finished off with: "_Fine fine, I'm just gonna stop by Kono's and then head off to HQ."_

They stood momentarily frozen until they jumped off the bed at lightning speed and started to get dressed as fast as they could.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Steve cursed. "Kono throw me my shirt." He asked her.

He caught his t-shirt in one hand while fixing his pants with the other. He took a look at Kono and was surprised to see her already pulling her top on, her legs not even half covered with that excuse for shorts.

They were both dressed in less than two minutes, habits kicking in, and they started searching the room for their stuff.

She turned to face him and handed him his phone and wallet, the later had fell somewhere in the room during their… session, we'll put it at that.

"C'mon Steve you need to go, Danny is gonna be here any second!" she nearly shouted at him. She was ready to stroll out of the room when a hand grabbed her arm and gently pulled her close to him.

He looked at her with sadness written clearly on his face.

"This can't happen again, can it?" he asked, his voice full of disappointment.

Her features softened at his tone and she shot him a small smile that she didn't even realize she was able to form this days.

"No." she whispered. "It can't."

Steve nodded slightly and leaned down a little, brushing his lips softly against hers. It wasn't like any other kiss they had ever had; it wasn't full of raw passion or denied attraction. It was a tender, loving and caring kiss.

It was their goodbye.

He pulled his lips away from hers and brushed a strand of hair away from her beautiful face.

"Bye." He whispered. And just as quickly as he had said it, he was gone, her apartment door closing before she even got a chance to get out of her room.

She sighed heavily and fell on the bed again, collapsing on top of it and rolling on her stomach, her head muffled by the pillow. Before she started trying to process everything that happened that night the doorbell went off.

She cursed silently at Danny; always with the timing.


	8. Chapter 8

**Mixed Feelings part 8**

**Authors note: **Hey guys! Wow, can't believe I'm already in the eighth chapter! It went by so fast! Oh, but don't worry, we've got many, many, many, many, many more to come! We still have the relapse of Steve and Kono- ups, did I say relapse? Oh… I meant… collapse! Collapse! Yes, they sort of stumble in to each other and… uh… they, uh… you know… collapse. Is anyone buying this? Yeah, I figured…

Big mouth.

**Chapter 8**

She quickly got up from the bed, too quickly actually, because as she lifted herself up a shot of pain cursed through her from her… uh... we better not go there. She'd have to warn Steve the next time.

Wow, where did that come from? Next time?

Shaking her head and quietly steeping into her leaving room, she walked carefully to the door and tried to put on a smile. The last thing she wanted was for Danny to get suspicious about anything. She unlocked it and opened the door.

"Hey Danny!" she greeted cheerfully. Ok, maybe from the frown on Danny's face, a little too cheerfully. "I had no idea you would stop by!"

Smooth Kono, smooth.

"Hey. Can I come in?" Danny asked, his frown being replaced by his bright smile.

"Sure, sure." Kono said while taking a step back to let him in. She took a quick glance at the tiny mirror on the wall behind her. Oh shit, she had bed hair. Oh, right, she had just come out of bed! Danny wouldn't read it any further than that.

"So…" Danny started, leaning against her couch. "How did it go with Steve?"

Kono snapped her head to the side so fast she gave herself whiplash. Had she just heard right? How the fuck did he knew?

"What… what… how… uh, what are you talking about?" She stammered. She felt the unmistakable blush creep up her cheeks.

"Uh, didn't he stop by yesterday?" Danny asked with a suspicious look.

"Right, yeah, yeah, he stopped by." She resisted the urge to slap herself. Of course he wasn't talking about what Kono thought he was talking about because she was influence to think he was talking about that. Wow, lots of talk about.

"So…" Danny urged her on.

"So what?" she shrugged.

"How did it go?" Danny nearly shouted. Clearly, not a patient man.

"It went, uh…" _Fucking great. Literally._ "It went fine Danny."

Danny's eyebrows shot up.

"Fine?" he repeated disbelievingly.

"Yeah." Kono said, giving him a nervous laugh. _Oh God help me._

"Ok I'm confused here." Danny stated, shaking his head. "Why aren't you trying to kill me?"

Kono swallowed thickly. Now that she thought about it, she should have written a back up speech.

"Uh, Danny just get over it, it's not a big deal." She replied and went to busy herself making coffee.

"Ok…" Danny said, clearly not convinced. "So what happened? Did you guys talk?"

"More like yelled." She slapped her hand over her mouth. Great, just great, could somebody tell her why she just **couldn't **keep her mouth shut?"

"Excuse me?" Danny asked, bemused by the situation.

"Uh, we, uh, you know, talked to, each other; at a, uh… raised… tone of voice." She explained miserably.

"You bit each other's head off." Danny provided.

Kono cleared her throat nervously.´

"Yeah. Something like that."

Danny chuckled. "Ok, so, what did he say?"

"Jeez Danny, why don't you just ask him?" Kono snapped. Ok, so she wasn't enjoying the interrogation, Danny concluded. Hmmmm…

"Calm down there rookie. You are acting like you have something to hide." He said, totally missing the panicked look on Kono's face.

"Me? That's silly." She said, waving a disregarding hand. Did she really just say _silly_?

When Kono turned around to face Danny, mug in hand, she was met by a mischievous smirk.

"So you two talked, yelled, and then he just left. That it?" Danny asked, smirk still in place. Of course he had already noticed that this sounded just a tiny bit… suspicious.

"Yes, that is in fact what happened." Good Kono, could you be more obvious than that?

She prayed that Danny would buy it and go to work.

"Hmmm… so if I call Steve right now he'll tell me the same?" Danny asked, looking at her in the eyes while pulling out his phone.

She almost chocked on the coffee she had been drinking. This time he did see the panic crossing her face and her pupils dilating.

_Oh shit. They hadn't worked out the stories._ Kono thought. This was gonna be bad.

"Uh, yeah, I mean, why wouldn't he? That's exactly what happened." Kono said in a steady, reassuring voice.

Danny squinted his eyes at her. Maybe he was trying to decide whether or not she was lying?

"Ok." Danny said, apparently not completely sure. "I'll talk to him when I get to headquarters."

_Oh, thank God! That gives me time enough to make the phone call._

"Ok, sure, whatever." She replied, trying to sound like she didn't care.

"O-kay then." Danny said, drawing out the words.

Kono breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Danny heading to the door. God, they could never let him know about this. EVER.

"Bye rookie." Danny said.

"Not the rookie anymore Danny." Kono said before she could help it. She immediately felt a wave of sadness overcome her. And Danny should be feeling so guilty now, crap.

"Sorry Danny, didn't mean it like that." because it kind of seemed like she was blaming him, which she would never do.

Danny turned around and gave her a small smile. He was just about to turn to the door again when something caught his eye in the corner of the room.

He dropped the hand from the doorknob and walked slowly over to Kono again, looking over her shoulder. He frowned and Kono looked confused back at him.

"What?" Kono asked, puzzled. Wasn't he supposed to be leaving? It's not like she wanted to kick him out, but she did have a phone call to make.

"Wh… what is… what is that?" Danny stumbled over his own words as he stared wide eyed at the wall facing Kono's back.

Kono took one last confused look at Danny before turning around and following Danny's eye line.

And that's pretty much when she freaked the hell out. Her eyes widened almost to the size of a cucumber and her mouth dropped open, making her lips dry. She vaguely registered Danny whom was still at her side, probably more confused than her. Fearfully, she looked at him and the second they're eyes met, she knew how this would go.

She launched herself forward as fast as she could, Danny right behind her, and she was **thiiiiiiis **close to get there before him, but, out of nowhere, Danny ran past her and got there first.

"Whose shirt is this?" Danny asked just as soon as he picked the black button-up shirt from the floor.

Kono was speechless. Like seriously, she couldn't utter out a word. She couldn't get a single syllable out of her. She just stood where she was, glued to the floor, her eyes intent on the shirt Danny was now holding,

"Kono!" Danny shouted at her, trying to get her attention.

"Hmmm… that's…" Kono started, but couldn't get the rest out.

"Yes…" Danny urged her on.

"Ok, ok." Kono said. "Would you believe me if I said… that the shirt is just from some guy I picked up last night from a bar and that I'm never gonna see again?" she said in two seconds, hoping to God that even thought that wasn't at all the truth, Danny wouldn't understand what she had said.

No such luck.

"A guy you picked up?" Danny asked, clearly not buying it.

"Okay, so that's a lie…" Danny said in a sarcastically thoughtful tone. And then his mouth dropped open.

"Oh please don't tell me that's the best option."

Kono dropped her head.

_Yeah…_

**Authors note: So? What did you think? Did you like it? Will Danny find out? Will she lie to him? Will he figure it out on his own? Stick around and see! And remember people: 9 reviews at least!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Mixed Feelings part 9**

**Authors note:** Hey guys! I want to thank all of you who reviewed and alerted this story already. You guys make my day!

In this chapter, we're gonna see the rest of the conversation between Danny and Kono and then… well, this wouldn't be a Hawaii five-0 story without Danny teasing Steve, would it?

Hope you like it!

Please review! Remember the deal!

**Chapter 9**

"Oh please don't tell me that's the best option."

Kono dropped her head.

_Yeah…_

_Well, that actually depends if you think being fucked by your boss is better than from a guy you picked up._

_For the record; it was way better._

"Kono!" Danny shouted, clearly he was already annoyed at her silence form.

"Look, Danny…" Kono started, but was immediately interrupted by Danny whom was getting pretty sick of the games she was playing.

"Kono, whose shirt is this?" he yelled, almost shoving the shirt in her face.

Kono took a deep breath and was about to answer Danny, God knows what, when something stopped her. The tag.

THE NAME TAG!

Oh My God. Kono thought. Steve's name was on the collar of the shirt. Oh shit! In a hurry she tried to grab the shirt but Danny pulled away in an instant.

"Kono?" Danny insisted. "Tell me."

Kono just couldn't believe how Danny had missed it. Was he not supposed to be a detective?

"That's, uh, Danny, just… ok, it's a friend's. Happy?" Kono asked. Seriously, she wouldn't know if she had said "it's the elephant's that lived next door", she just wanted to grab the shirt and keep it away from Danny.

"A friend?" Danny repeated.

"Yes, a friend." Kono replied with an even tone.

Danny shook his head and chuckled ironically.

"Ok, so let me get this straight. Steve was here last night. You talked. You argued. You ripped each other's heads off. He just… walked out. And then you invited a friend over for a roll in the hay. Is that what happened?" Danny asked while raising a finger for each remark.

"Yes, Danny, that's what happened. Now can I have the shirt!" Kono almost yelled at him.

Danny frowned at her.

"Why are **you** in such a hurry? It's not like it's made of gold or anything." Danny replied sarcastically.

And then it happened. Kono could only watch as Danny turned the shirt to himself, you know, the kind of slow motion movement you only see in movies, and looked the shirt up and down.

Kono saw Danny's pupils dilating, his mouth dropping open and she could swear she could see him… blushing. Yeah, probably not the best way to find out your best friend fucked the rookie.

You're gonna have to deal with it braw.

Kono started to flinch before time. She already knew Danny was gonna freak out.

"What… what… I… Kono**...-** WHAT THE HELL?" Danny exploded, turning the shirt back to her so she could see the name tag. Again.

Kono stood in her position, not moving a muscle, not saying a word. Mostly because she had absolutely no idea what to say. So she just… watched Danny's freak out. Now that she thought about it, she should have made popcorn.

"Kono… what is this?" Danny asked again, dangling the shirt from side to side in front of her.

"Well, that-"she said as she pointed at it. "-is a shirt, Danny."

"Kono, don't get cute with me." Danny said attempting a threatening tone.

He could never pull that off.

Kono remained in silence.

"Ok, then." Danny said resolutely as he pulled out his phone and turned away from her.

"What are you doing Danny?" Kono asked.

"Well, I am **trying** to access the internet from this stupid piece of crap called an Iphone." Only Danny would call an Iphone a piece of crap. "So I can check how many Steve McGarrets live in Hawaii, because I'm hoping to God this doesn't belong to the one I know."

Kono dropped her head. Count on Danny for a little denial.

He turned towards her again.

"Wanna save me the trip to the magical place called Google?" Danny asked with a mock pleading face.

"I don't **wanna** do it-"

"Oh cut the crap Kono!" Ok, Danny snapped. This avoiding thing was getting old.

"Ok, fine. You really wanna know?" Kono asked as she sat down on a chair.

"Yes!" Danny exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air in a desperate gesture and taking a sit opposite to her. "Just, you know, skip the… the… _bedroom… _part."

Kono frowned at him.

"Danny." She mock whispered at him. "You **can** say sex."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, just get along with the story and stop stalling." Danny said, waving her off.

Kono chuckled briefly before taking a deep breath.

"Ok, so…last night, after you left, Steve stopped by-"

"Yeah, I figured that out already-"

"Do you wanna be the one to tell the story?" Kono interrupted him.

"Sorry, sorry." Danny held his hands up. "Continue."

"When he came in, we immediately started arguing and then we kind of argued some more and then-"

"Uh, let me guess, he went all Rambo on you and pushed you against the wall!" Danny exclaimed sarcastically like a giddy little school boy.

"Well, he didn't **push **me against it…"

"Wow, wow, wow." Danny yelled as he covered his ears. "I was only kidding jeez! Bunch of horny teens." Danny mumbled.

"That was pretty much it Danny." Kono concluded. "I did nothing to stop him and things just progressed and…"

"Ah, ok, ok, for both our sakes, let's just skip that part, shall we?" Danny said more than asked as he got up.

"Ok, so now what?" Danny bluntly asked Kono, who was left frowning at him.

"What are you talking about?"

"What is the deal now? You know, between you and Steve." Danny explained, gesturing towards her.

"Oh. Well, it was just a one time thing." She replied flatly.

Danny almost chocked on his own saliva.

"I'm sorry… **WHAT?"** he shouted, incredulously.

"A one time thing." She repeated more slowly.

"Ok, it's like you're speaking Chinese to me right now." Danny said.

Kono huffed heavily and got up from her chair.

"Danny, look, here is the deal. It was a one time thing, we both needed it, we both wanted it, but it can never happen again. That clear enough for you?" she asked, hands at her waist.

"You see." Danny said, typical "I'm about to make a point" smirk in place, finger pointing at her. "It **can't **happen again. Now the problem is, it **will**."

….

Steve was just done with the morning paperwork and was about to grab a cup of coffee (or, you know, 5 liters of it) when he heard the sound of someone walking up the stairs.

_Probably just Danny._ He thought, shrugging it off. No worries, it's not like Kono had said anything to him or anything.

_Ups._

He never even made it to the little kitchenette settled there before Danny came up the stairs and blocked his path.

Arms crossed, chin tilted up, back ramrod straight.

Now in Steve's experience, if anyone ever saw Danny like this- they were in trouble.

"Can I help you Danny?" Steve asked him, trying to ignore the not so friendly look Danny was shooting his way.

"May I talk to you in your office for a moment Steven?" Danny asked, calmly and politely.

Which, for what Steve had learnt, was also **not** good. He nodded, nonetheless, and led them to his office again. For some reason, there was this kind of knot on his throat…

He saw Danny entering the office and locking the door after him. He didn't even made a pass to sit in the guest chair.

Just stood there, arms crossed, chin tilted up, back ramrod straight.

_Uh oh._

"O-kay." Steve drawled out, standing up too. "What did you want to talk about?"

Completely ignoring his question, Danny went in a different direction.

"So how did it go with Kono yesterday?" Danny asked, tone flawlessly neutral.

_Fucking great. Literally._

Steve frowned at him.

"What do you mean 'How did it go with Kono?'" Steve asked, confusion in place.

"I mean, how did it go? You did go see her, right?" Danny asked, like he didn't already know.

"Yeah…" Steve said cautiously, shifting his weight from one foot to another with nervousness.

"So? What did you guys talk about?" Danny pressed on.

Steve shrugged like it wasn't a big deal.

"Not much. Just, you know, talked about… how she's been doing, asked her if she was ok, said goodbye to her and then left." There you go Danny, a nice little summary of that happened. Ups, just forgot to mention the fucking her brains out part. No biggy.

"Uh uh, uh uh." Danny agreed while nodding. "That all?"

"Yeah, pretty much." Steve said. Ok, something was definitely not right.

Danny put on his "I'm about to catch you in the act" smirk and raised one hand directed at him.

"And you wouldn't happen to have fucked her against the wall before you left would you?"


	10. Chapter 10

**Mixed Feelings part 10**

**Authors note: **Wow! Wait a minute, we're in chapter ten? Oh My God, but I still have so much to write! Well, I guess this will just be a loooooooong story! Hope you don't mind!

So, in this chapter, we have the rest of the Steve/Danny conversation, and to be truthful here, I don't really know what I'm gonna do next. Oh well, I'll just have to figure it out as I go.

Enjoy the chapter, and pretty please, review! Remember the deal!

(For those of you who didn't read the changes in chapter 9, the deal is back in place. I am really sorry, but at this point in my life, I have been having some serious problems at home, and your reviews are apparently the only thing that can get me through my day. Hope you understand my lovely readers, so please, review! Remember, 9 reviews!

**Chapter 10**

_Danny put on his "I'm about to catch you in the act" smirk and raised one hand directed at him._

"_And you wouldn't happen to have fucked her against the wall before you left would you?"_

Steve was left staring at Danny. He didn't even realize about the blush slowly appearing on his cheeks, or that his mouth now hung slightly opened, the only thing on his mind right now were Danny's still to be registered words.

He tried to say something, anything, just a little sound, but nothing came out. Well, it's not like he actually **knew** what to say. _Yeah, because if anyone knows how to respond to something like this, please do give me a call!_

"What… wh… are…" Steve stuttered. The all mighty Navy SEAL actually stuttered.

"Oh please!" Danny said before Steve could continue. "You are **not** gonna ask me what I'm talking about, are you?"

_Well I was, but forget about it now._

"You see…" Danny continued, not giving him a chance to talk back. "… when you **do** have sex with a girl and then leave the next morning in a hurry, just a little piece of advice, **don't forget your shirt!**" Danny shouted in his face, coming to a stand in front of him.

_Oh, so that's where it went!_

Danny bit back a chuckle as Steve's eyes widened even more at every word he said.

"Ok, Danny. I only have one question." Steve finally got out.

Silence. One second. Two seconds. Three seconds. Until…

"Well?" Danny asked, trying to get Steve to talk.

"Did I by any chance leave my Iphone there too? Because I've searched everywhere and I still can't- AW!" Steve shrieked in pain as Danny hit him in the back of the head.

"Jeez Danny, calm down! What was that for?" Steve asked while rubbing the spot where Danny had hit him.

It was Danny's time to stare open mouthed at him.

"What was that for- Are you kidding me?" Danny yelled again. "Do you have any idea what you have done? Do you have any idea what Chin will do to you?" Danny continued to yell, hitting him once again in the head. "Listen to me; you are literally going to be chopped to little pieces and then dumped on God knows where by Chin! And you know what, I seriously can't blame him!"

"Hey Danny! Now come on man, you don't know what happened-"

"Oh I know plenty well what happened Steven! Or at least, I know enough to realize that you should probably start trying to get off this island and find another job before Chin **kills **you!"

Another silence, a little longer this time. Steve relaxed his shoulders a bit and Danny interrupted the silence. Again.

"Kono?" Danny asked in disbelief. "Reeeeeally Steve? KONO?" Danny's tone of voice went up, as if he was trying to get her name inside Steve's head and make him see what he had done.

"Danny, what do you want me to say?" Steve asked, because he really didn't need some more ranting from Danny.

Danny gave him another slap in the back of the head with as much force as he could muster. Steve didn't resist anymore, he knew he deserved it anyway.

Although he had to say… he didn't regret it. Even if Chin Ho killed him, he would die with no regrets.

"Look, Steve…" Danny said as he took a calming breath. "What were you thinking? I mean, you had to know-"

"Know what, Danny?" It was Steve's time to interrupt. "Know what, uh? Know that there would be consequences? Know that this may jeopardize our friendship? Know that if she ever comes back, things will never be the same? Know that Chin will get so pissed… that I seriously don't even know what he's going to do to me? Is that what I had to know?"

"Well, yeah-"

"Don't you think I knew that already Danny?" It was also Steve's time to yell! "Don't you think I knew the consequences back and forth because of the endless times I analyzed them? Because of the endless times I tried to make them smaller, more insignificant, but in the end I couldn't? Do you really think I would do this without thinking about it first?"

"Well apparently you didn't because, guess what? It was just a one time thing!" Danny yelled in his face. "A one time thing that you two are gonna regret for the rest of your lives, you know why? Because every time you look back at your lives you are gonna wonder what it could have been, if anyone of you would have taken the next step, what could come out of it? You are gonna regret with every piece of your soul doing what you did, because now… you will both be miserable without each other."

Steve remained silent. Danny huffed heavily.

This was worst than interrogating a non-cooperative suspect.

"Look… you are both **in love** with the other!" Danny tried a second time to get to his head. "In love, as in, you don't want a one time thing, you want each other. Now, do **you** really think you will be able to just forget about this? Do you?" Danny asked, hoping that his friend would finally come to his senses.

Steve didn't say anything. But that didn't mean that he didn't have anything to say, because the fact it that, in his head, there was a turmoil of thoughts that just gave him the worst headache known to man.

_Did he want to do it? _Hell yes.

_Did he enjoy it?_ It was something amazing.

_Could he just forget about it?_ Never in a million years.

_Did he want to be with her?_ Yes.

_**Could he be with her? **_...

"Danny." Steve started. "I can't do this to her. I just can't. I'm not what she wants; I'm not what she needs. I'm not what's best for her, I mean for God's sake Danny, practically everyone I know keeps dying around me!"

"No, you do not get to say that!" Danny shouted at him. "You know damn well that's not true! You are not some… _**curse**_… that makes people die! And don't you dare say you can't be with her just because she is in danger that way! We are all in danger, not because of you, but because of our jobs! You are not the one who gets to decide what we do or don't do, stop acting like you are some misfortune here and do the right thing!"

Steve heard Danny carefully.

Nodding, he started to step out of his office. Just as he was about to reach the door, he turned around to face Danny again.

"I **do** want to do the right thing here Danny." He said, and opened the door. "That's why it will never happen again."

**Authors note:** Hi again! Don't really know how I feel about this chapter, but anyway, I hope you liked it.

Don't worry though; next chapter we will jump a little bit ahead in time and things will get a bit more interesting…


	11. Chapter 11

**Mixed Feelings part 11**

**Authors note:** Hey again! I am so glad the exams are over, this way I can update whenever I want! *happy dance*

Anyway, go thank Badhairdays for this chapter; she totally gave me the idea for this, because apparently I forgot about Chin! I am so sorry guys, I know most of you like him very much, but the truth is, he is really difficult to write! :p

Anyway, in this chapter we'll have the Chin/Kono talk. Hmmm… what do you think? Should I make her tell him? Should she just keep her secret?

Well… read and find out! And remember, for the sake of this story continuing, review! Nine at least!

Hope you enjoy!

**Chapter 11**

Chin pounded on her door for the third time in the last 30 seconds. Seriously, didn't the girl ever answer the door immediately? He heard the sound of shuffling inside the door, a loud bang, some swearing, some more swearing, and then the door swung open.

Kono stood on the other side, hand lifted to her forehead, covering what he guessed was a nasty cut, little denim shorts and blue tank top on, barefoot (well of course, it's not like you could get hurt walking around on your own house or anything. Especially one with wooden floor) and with a scrunched up face.

"Hey cuz!" Kono said cheerfully, her smile widening, hand still glued to her forehead.

"Let me guess. It was the shelf that got in the way." Chin concluded, smiling as she let out a small chuckle.

"Kind of. Not my fault though." Kono replied lightheartedly at him. "You wanna come in?"

Chin nodded and stepped into her apartment. He wasn't surprised to find the same mess he found the last time he was in there. Let's get one thing straighten out- the girl was surely messy.

You would expect something else from a cop.

"So, what are you doing here?" Kono asked, checking her watch. "Shouldn't you be at work?"

"Lunch break." Was Chin's reply.

Kono gave him a suspicious smile.

"It's eleven thirty."

Chin shrugged.

"Early lunch break."

Kono chuckled again and walked around him to her couch, leaning against it. Chin smiled and went to stand opposite to her.

"So, have the guys come to see you yet?" Chin asked. Because if they didn't, they would have to have a talk later.

"Uh, actually…" Kono debated with herself about exactly how much she should tell her cousin. She resigned for only telling him until the screaming between her and Steve started. Chin reeeeeally didn't need to know… anything else. "… yeah, they stopped by… yesterday."

"Yesterday? Both of them?" Chin asked. Well that was weird, they spent two months without visiting her and now they do it in the same day.

"Yeah. Beats me, I was surprised too." Kono said, shrugging. Well, she wasn't really surprised, more like… we don't need to get into it.

"Okay…" Chin said, somehow this just didn't seem to stick, but he let it pass. For now. "So, did they… you know…"

"Cuz, are you trying to ask if they apologized?" Kono asked, bemused with her cousin's stuttering.

"Kono, we **all** owe you an apology. So… did they apologize?" Chin continued.

"Sort of." Kono said. Because really, there were two **very** different types of apology.

"What do you mean, sort of?" Chin questioned, eyebrows knitting in confusion.

"Well, yeah, I mean, they apologized, just one more subtly than the other." Right, because one made her cry. The other made her scream. In a _very_ good way.

"Oh, ok." Chin accepted, nodding. "Then, that just leaves what I came to talk to you about."

Kono looked intently at Chin. "What?"

Chin huffed lightly. He was totally mentalized for the shouts that would come next. Actually he was pretty much used to it when it came to Kono.

"Okay, just hear me out here, Kono." Chin started, making sure she would let him say what he had to say without interruptions.

Yeah right.

"Are you sure… Kono listen… are you absolutely sure… you want to come back?"

Chin winced before Kono even opened her mouth.

"WHAT?" Kono's shouting voice ripped through the quiet that had installed in the room. "What the hell are you saying Chin?"

"Ok, Kono, I'm not _saying_ anything, I'm just asking-"

"Just asking what?" she yelled in his face.

"Ok, Kono. Kono!" Chin said, trying to get through her head. "Listen to **me**. I am not saying anything here. I am _asking _you something. I am making sure **you** are sure about this. Ok? Will you listen to me?" Chin pleaded her.

Kono's hard face softened a little, but she was still on high alert.

"Alright. Kono, I am only asking you if you are sure because…" Chin ran a hand tiredly through his hair. "… Because I know how hard it was with Fryer, I know you did it for all of us, but I know it was hard. And I am so sorry you had to go through that! But, you have to be sure you want to come back. You have to be a hundred per cent sure you **want** to be back, because if you aren't… it might never be the same Kono, and things would end up worse than they already are. So, Kono, I just need to know, are you completely sure you want to be back?"

Kono didn't say anything for the next few minutes. She made a pass for the couch and sat on it silently, seeing out of the corner of her eye as Chin followed her and sat next to her, looking straight ahead, not wanting to pressure her. This pretty much left her alone, so to speak, so she could go through the question.

_Are you completely sure you want to come back?_

She knew the answer to that. Or, at least, she knew the automatic response to that. She had been replaying it in her head for the past two months non-stop. And of course, that answer was yes. She absolutely wanted to be back. Wanted to be with her ohana again, wanted to protect the ones who needed again.

But that was the automatic answer. Maybe that was the reason Chin asked her to really **listen** to him. Damn, he was smart. She always hated it when he was right. Because the yes answer, was in fact the automatic one, and maybe, just maybe, not really the one she was feeling.

God, it was like she was back to square one, not knowing what to feel again. She so hated it. But most of all, she hated that, deep down… she… she had doubts. And that was something Kono Kalakaua never had. Doubts. She didn't cry, she didn't use violence unless she needed to, she didn't tolerate disloyalty, but if there was something that she never, ever, ever, ever did, was to have doubts. Especially, about herself.

_Are you completely sure you want to come back?_

_No. I am not completely sure. Maybe like, 99,99999… nah, who am I kidding, not even by far. I am not at all completely sure I want to come back._

But you know what really, really, really, reeeeeally sucked? The fact that it was him. That it was him holding her back, that it was him that made her doubt her own decisions, that it was him that… marked her.

That he was the reason that deep down, there was some part of her that didn't want to go back. That it was him that prevented her from forgetting about that one thing that changed her life forever. And that it was him that she would have to be facing every single day, just like someone wanted to throw right in her face that she wouldn't be able to forget about it, to move past it. That it was him that… she loved.

And that she wouldn't be able to, anymore, if she did go back.

_Are you completely sure you want to come back?_

She turned to face Chin, and as he tilted his head towards her, Chin could see the answer in her eyes. He didn't talk though; he let her say it first.

_Are you completely sure you want to come back?_

And Kono finally answered the question.

"Yes. A hundred per cent sure."


	12. Chapter 12

**Mixed Feelings part 12**

**Authors note:** Tsk, tsk, tsk honeys. What happened? Because I've seen the reviews dropping considerably! I thought we had an agreement… oh well, you're taking the risk.

In this chapter, we have the dreaded Steve and Kono meeting. WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! ANGST! LOTS OF IT! So if that's not you're thing, don't read. For those of you whom didn't already figure that out (probably not that many of you), angst **is** my thing.

BTW, this chapter is named after Kelly Clarkson's Because of You. Amazing song, I truly recommend you listen to it while reading this.

And as always, big thank you to Badhairdays!

Hope you like it!

**Chapter 12**

It had been two weeks. Two weeks since that night in her apartment. Two weeks since they had finally done what they wanted to do for such a long time. Two weeks since they had the most amazing night any one of them had ever had. Two weeks since the night neither one would forget. Ever. It had been two weeks.

However, it felt like it had been two years. The seconds ticked by, followed by the minutes, and then the hours, all of them filled with thoughts of each other. They both knew they shouldn't have done it, they both knew the consequences, but you only actually understand them after you've suffered them. It was no exception for the both of them.

Since that one night, they didn't feel whole anymore. Not like they had through that night. Not like they did with each other. They didn't feel the joy that filled them every time the other was next to them, or every time they would catch the other stealing a look from them. They didn't feel it anymore.

And it was worse than they thought. Than either of them had ever imagined. If only they'd thought about it before they had done what caused this. Not that it would have stopped it. Because it wouldn't. There wasn't a thing in the world that would have stopped them that night.

But they never talked about it again. Well, actually, they never talked to each other again, not that that was such a surprise. Kono had got a couple of visits from Danny since then; another four visits from Chin, but from him… none. Not that she thought they would do any good. It was better this way. They had to distance themselves from each other if they wanted things to ever go back to the way they were. And so they… kept their distance. From each other.

Easier said than done. They would catch themselves thinking about the other every waking minute they spent without them. Every single second, minute, hour, every single day. But they knew that it was for the best. Even though what they did could never repeat itself, they still cared about the other, immensely. They were still friends.

Which is exactly what brought us to the night… of October 29th.

….

His hands still felt covered in blood. He still felt the warm liquid burning a path through them, reminding him of what he'd done. He had known it was the right thing to do. He saved dozens of people by doing it. And somehow, it didn't make it less hard. It was painfully hard to take someone's life, no matter how much they made it look easy.

Steve trashed his door open, swinging it closed almost immediately after, his head in such a chaos that he couldn't even think straight. As soon as he heard the loud thud behind, he closed in on his kitchen with large and strong steps, his anger and infuriation taking the better of him. Opening the top cabinet, he removed the bottle of scotch he had always kept in there. He didn't think twice before opening it roughly and pouring himself a glass full. He raised it to his mouth, drank it in less than five seconds, the alcohol warming him up in the best way possible, for the time being. Once again, he grabbed the bottle and filled the cup.

By the time eleven o'clock rolled around, the bottle was almost completely empty and Steve lay on his couch, not really registering anything anymore. He had drunk just enough so that he still remembered what happened, but it just didn't hurt that badly anymore. He sighed and closed his eyes. The alcohol induced sleep was getting through to him.

He was just about to pass out… when the doorbell rang.

His eyes shot open in no time, drunk out of his mind or not, his SEAL training still remained with him. As fast as he could, he pushed himself off the couch and looked at the time.

Groaning, he made his way through the door. If it was Danny on the other side he would waste no time in closing the door in his face. Not in the mood for visits now.

With large strides, he got closer to the door, the knocking reappearing just as he was about to open it.

He swung the door open brutally, all but ready to shove it closed again if Danny was on the other side.

Only it wasn't.

As soon as his eyes adjusted to the light coming from the lamp outside his house, he looked up only to see the last person he expected to be there.

Kono.

He looked at her through heavy eyes, but suddenly they didn't feel so heavy anymore, suddenly his whole body was on high alert.

_Uh oh._

"Kono?" Steve asked. Yes, because there was a very good chance his eyes were just playing tricks with him.

"Hey." Kono said in a low voice, not wanting to startle him.

"What… what are you doing here?" Steve asked, confused with her appearing at this time of the night.

"Can I come in?" she asked instead, her head motioning for the inside of his house.

Steve hesitated for a second, his mind trying to process his options. He could just close the door, tell her he wasn't in the mood to talk, but they would both know that wouldn't be the reason he would have closed the door. Then again, he could just let her in, but truth be told, that would be pushing the boundaries a bit. More like a lot, but who cares about details anyway?

They should have.

"Sure. Come in." Steve said, wavering a little as he stepped aside to let her in.

Kono looked at him, her brow furrowed.

"Steve?" she started, cautiously. "Have you been drinking?"

"Why are you here?" he cut her off. Really not in the mood for confrontations.

Kono was a little taken aback by his rudeness, but she quickly recovered and straightened up.

"Uh… Chin told me what happened. I just thought you would wanna… talk." She said, a small caring smile tugging at her lips.

"No. Don't wanna talk." Steve said, his tone leaving no space for an argument.

But apparently, Kono didn't take the hint.

As soon as Steve flopped down on the couch again, Kono ran a hand through her hair and let out a sight.

"Steve, I know that you're probably not in the mood to talk right now-"

"You got that right." Steve mumbled.

Kono ignored him.

"But you can't keep this to yourself Steve, look we've all been there-"

"Oh really?" Steve interrupted her again, a little louder this time. "You've really had to kill a man who had a gun pointed at a little kid in front of 30 people in the middle of the day?" Steve snarled.

Kono was once again taken aback with his attitude, but she ended up resuming it all to drinking. There **was** an almost empty bottle of scotch on the coffee table.

"Steve… No, I can't say I did, but I know what I'm talking about when I say that you need to let this out before-"

"You know what you're talking about…" Steve repeated ironically. "Sure, because you always know everything right? I mean, you always know what's best for us, even if it means sticking your nose into other people's business."

Ok, third time was enough.

"Ok, look Steve, I get that you're drunk off your ass right now, but that doesn't give you an excuse to be like that."

"It's not an excuse, Kono." Steve replied. "I'm just stating the truth."

"What? That I care about you guys?" Kono asked, incredulously. "Ok, if you wanna be a jerk, be one. But don't forget that **I** at least, had the decency to check up on you. We can't say the same for your sorry ass." She spat at him as she made a pass for the door.

"Wow, I can't believe you are still throwing that in my face!" Steve shouted at her, making her stop in the middle of the room.

"Well believe it, because you damn well deserve it." She replied, and not even seeing the flash of anger and hurt in Steve's eyes made her want to take the words back.

"I deserve it?" Steve repeated, dumb-founded. "I'm sorry; I thought we were past the whole Fryer thing! I apologized!"

"No, you didn't." Kono threw back at him. "You fucked me. Now in my book, that doesn't really count as an apology."

"Well I didn't hear you complain during it. In fact, you seemed to agree. A lot." Steve shot at her.

Kono was looking at Steve, completely paralyzed by what he had just said.

"You did not just bring that up." It was almost a whisper, a disbelieving one.

"So you're not denying it." Steve replied, arms crossed high on his chest. As soon as Kono saw the smile tugging at Steve's lips, she lost it.

"You know what, Steve?" she spat his name as if she was saying horse crap. "I don't care if you are completely drunk right now or if you actually meant what you just said to me, but either way, you can go fuck yourself." No shame in it, she was out of patience.

She had meant it to be harsh, to get him to wake up from whatever trance he was in right now. Which is why she felt like slapping him when he chuckled ironically.

"Let me ask you something Kono." Steve said as he took a step towards her and raised his head. "Why are you really here?"

Kono looked at him like he had just asked how much was one plus one. "What?"

"Why are you really here?" Steve said again, more slowly this time. "Because I'm not buying the checking up on you façade."

"Well of course you wouldn't…" she said matter of fact. "… it's not like you've done it. Why should you believe other people **care** if you **don't**?"

_Oh, so we're on to insults now._

"But here's the thing, Kono…" Steve continued. "... I do **believe** people care, I just don't think you are in my house at eleven thirty at night **because** you care."

Kono's eyebrows shot up.

"Oh, then please, please do tell me, what am I here for?" Kono asked him, arms crossed on her chest. She was getting really sick of this conversation. If he didn't even think she was his friend, he could go fuck himself, because she wouldn't put up with it.

"See, I think you're here…" Steve started, smirking at her, not even registering what he was saying anymore. Alcohol can do that to you. "… I think you're here because you were expecting something to happen. I think you're here because you wanted another round, just a little more playtime, not because you care."

Kono's eyes almost jumped off and she clenched her fists so hard her knuckles turned white. A wave of anger rushed through her, and this time she didn't even contain herself as her fist collided with his face in a way that made Steve loose his footing, knocking him to the ground.

"If you ever say that in my face again, I swear Steve you will not live to see the next day."

She knew that the punch had wakened Steve up a bit. His eyes weren't so glassy anymore as he was laying on the floor. She had no problem leaving him there now. She turned to the door again

And then it happened. Just as quick as he had dropped to the floor, Steve was standing upright and pushing her against his front door, his body pressing her there.

"Get out of my face." Kono growled at him.

"Am I wrong?" Steve asked, his eyes boring into hers, almost making her squirm under his gaze.

"Yes." She said, her voice as hard as stone. Because he wasn't right, not by a long shot. She had been there to make sure he was ok, not because she wanted to have sex with him. Sure, since that night, two weeks ago, she had wanted it again, but that was **not** the reason she had gone over there.

"But you want it." It wasn't a question. He was implying it. Because he knew. He was experiencing the same, so he knew what she was thinking, feeling, craving, wanting.

Kono didn't even bother to answer him. She brought her hands up to his chest and tried to shove him out of her, but, surprise surprise, she couldn't. She might be a bad ass cop at work, but she had to face it; he was stronger than her.

"Let me go." She pronounced every word fiercely, hoping that would make him back off.

Or maybe… maybe she didn't want him to back off?

Steve grabbed both her hands in his and pushed them down, keeping them in his hold. He leaned his head down to whisper in her hear.

"Just admit that you want it. You know you do."

"Steve I swear, if you don't back off I will hurt you." She growled.

She had really thought he would back off with that. He knew what she was capable of, he had seen it firsthand.

But he didn't back off. Instead, Kono felt Steve starting to nibble on her earlobe. For just a second there, she melted underneath him, relishing in the feel of his lips on her skin again. But that was quickly replaced with anger once again.

"Steve, get off me." she shouted, but even when she heard it she knew that there was a lack of conviction in it. Unfortunately, Steve heard it too.

He raised his head from her neck, looked intently at her, his eyes searching hers for the truth.

"Do you really want that?" it was a whisper, but it reached Kono loud and clear.

"You can't do this to me Steve. We can't do this." She replied, but this time she herself didn't believe in it.

"I didn't ask if we could or couldn't do it." Steve said in a low voice that made her insides turn to heat. "I asked if you wanted it."

As Steve started to lean in, Kono's eyes fluttered close, she didn't even think of putting up a fight now. Just as she felt his hot breath hovering above her lips, he stopped. Looking up at him, she didn't need him to tell her anything else.

"Yes. I want it." She said quietly. She finally felt Steve's lips pressing against hers, she responding back to the kiss with equal vigor.

"We'll deal with the consequences tomorrow." Steve said as they broke apart.

"Isn't that how we got here in the first place?" she asked, her mind by now only focusing on the feel of him pressed so intimately to her.

She didn't wait for an answer. Their lips met again, and all coherent thought was lost, for both of them.

They didn't speak again through the entire night.

**Authors note: So... did you like it? Hated it? Loved it? Remember, nine reviews lovelies or this story is in danger of extinction!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Mixed Feelings part 13**

**Authors note:** Hey guys, so glad you liked chapter 12. A huge thank you to all of you who reviewed the last chapter and thank you for all the wonderful things you said.

As always, an even bigger thank you to Badhairdays! BTW if you haven't checked out her story, you are missing something amazing! Big time!

This chapter will be named after "If everyone cared" by Nickelback, another amazing song and again I recommend you listen to it while reading this. It's just such a great song.

Hope you enjoy this chapter!

**Chapter 13**

This time Steve was the one wakened by the dim sun light coming in through unclosed blinds. His eyes fluttered open sleepily and in a few seconds he was able open them completely and… ok, OUCH!

There was a pounding headache hammering away in his head like a freaking jackhammer! His eyes snapped shut immediately and he threw his pillow over his head with a groan, covering the light now invading the room. He was just about to go and close the blinds when he heard movement inside the room. Quickly removing the pillow, his eyes adjusted in a few seconds and he turned his head to the left to see what was making the noise he heard. All sleep was completely lost as the picture of Kono standing near the other side of the bed registered in him.

There was no way she could have missed he was already awake, but apparently they had moved on to ignoring now because she just kept dressing like nothing had happened.

As last night's events made their way back into Steve's mind, a smirk appeared on his face. He had slept with Kono. Again. OH God he would never get enough. Uh oh.

He cleared his throat loudly to get her to notice him, but she just kept on sliding her jeans on like she hadn't heard anything.

He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. "Come on, Kono."

She didn't make a move to turn. Just kept on putting her tank top on now.

"Kono, please talk to me." Steve pleaded, but she still wouldn't turn around.

"Can you at least tell me where you're going?" Steve tried again.

"Home." Was her reply.

_Finally! Wait, WHAT?_

"WHAT?" Steve asked, his tone rising.

She turned around then and faced him with a cold stare.

"Home." She repeated, her tone deadly calm.

Steve fell back onto the pillows with a dry chuckle.

"Really? So we're just gonna pretend like this never happened?" Steve asked sarcastically. "Yeah, because that worked well the first time."

As soon as Kono finished fixing herself up, she grabbed her phone and started heading for the door.

"Kono!" Steve shouted then, because there was absolutely no way they would leave things like this. Not this time.

Kono stopped dead in her tracks, facing the door, but she didn't turn around. She just waited for Steve to say something.

"Would you please just talk to me?" Steve pleaded with her. He wasn't gonna let her go again.

"There's nothing to talk about Steve." She said in a tiny voice, but it reached Steve loud and clear.

"Yes, there is Kono, and you damn well know there is." Steve said in a definite tone. As she still wouldn't move, he tried again. "Just please get back here."

He could see her struggling with herself. And truth be told, he couldn't blame her. But he felt relief spread all over his body as she finally turned around and headed towards the bed. She sat lightly on it, as if she was ready to jump out of it in no time, and waited for Steve to talk.

"Look…" Steve started. Uh, it was actually harder than he had thought. "… I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said last night."

As he saw Kono furrowing her brow, he hurried to explain.

"About why you came here. I know you weren't expecting anything, you were just checking up on me. Which is really more than I ever did for you. I'm sorry."

"It's ok." Kono said.

"No, Kono, it's not." Steve contradicted. "I should have never said that to you, it's just that…"

"You were drunk out of your ass?" Kono provided.

Steve gave her a little chuckle.

"Yeah, something like that."

Kono huffed heavily and ran a hand through her hair.

"So, what now?"

"You're not gonna tell me this can't happen again, are you?" Steve asked.

Kono rolled her eyes at him.

"Would it do any good?" she shot back, making him smirk.

"Well… it **can't** happen again…"

"…but it will." Kono finished for him.

"Exactly." Steve nodded his head.

"So… we… keep doing it?"

Steve looked at her, looking for anything that would tell him if she wanted what he had been wanting all along.

"You don't want it?"

Kono laughed a bit.

"Of course I want it Steve." As Steve's smirk grew, she shoved him playfully. "Don't be a smart ass."

"You were saying…" Steve said.

"I was saying… I want it, but… what if I get back to Five-0 Steve?"

**There. That's what hit him like a bullet. That's when he understood what this was about.**

And he was gonna tell her. He was gonna tell her how he felt. What she really meant to him. That she wasn't just someone that he liked to have a little playtime with.

That she was someone he loved. Someone he would give his life for at any time. Someone he would kill for. Someone he wanted by his side every single second of the day.

He was gonna tell her. But at the last second, he couldn't get it out. Because he realized he had no idea how she felt about him. He had no idea if she felt the same way or if she was just interested in sex with him. And so, instead of "I love you" coming out of his mouth, other words came out. Words that didn't explain at all how he felt.

"What if… what if we broke it off then?"

Kono gave him a confused look.

"No strings attached."

Steve saw something flashing in Kono's eyes. He couldn't tell what it was; it was gone before he identified it. Did it look like… disappointment?

Oh shit.

Oh God, he had fucked up. Big time.

He was about to open his mouth again when she interrupted him.

"Yeah. I like that idea."

It was all it took for his heart to sink. She didn't feel the same way. She would never feel the same way. Maybe it wasn't disappointment at all that he saw in her eyes.

"So..." she continued. "… we keep this up, and if I ever get my badge back… we stop?"

"Yes." He immediately answered before he could say anything else. Because if he had taken the time to think, something very different would have come out.

"Ok." Kono said. "No strings attached."

"No strings attached." Steve confirmed. He leaned his head towards her. She did the same, and just before their lips met…

The doorbell rang.

**Authors note:** So? Did you really think I would stop after the relapse? Ahahahah. So what do you think it's gonna happen now? Steve loved her. Kono loves him. But neither one of them know about the other. Do you think they'll ever admit it? Or do you think Kono is gonna be back at Five-0 before that happens? Will they ever be together?

Well… I guess you'll have to read and find out! Remember, 9 reviews!


	14. Chapter 14

**Mixed Feelings part 14**

**Authors note: **Hey guys! Thank you so much to all of you who reviewed the last chapter. I hope you liked it!

Anyway, who do you think is at the door? Do you think it will be Danny again? Or maybe… someone else… Hmmm… guess you'll just have to read to find out!

As always, huge thank you to Badhairdays! Hope you like this chapter and remember - 9 reviews!

**Chapter 14**

As soon as Steve opened the door, he was met with Chin leaning on the doorframe, arms crossed and head tilted up.

"Hey boss." Chin greeted with a smile. "Can I come in?"

"Sure, sure. Come in." Steve said, stepping aside. He took a quick glance at the back door. Luckily, Kono had remembered to lock it. Thank God.

"So, what are you doing here?" Steve asked. "I was already on my way to work."

"Yeah, I know." Chin said. "But I just wanted to check in with you. Everything ok?"

Steve looked confused back at him.

"Uh, yeah. Why wouldn't it be?"

Chin shrugged.

"I don't know. You seemed upset last night."

Steve's eyebrows shot up.

"Oh, that. Nah, don't worry, I'm cool now." Of course I'm cool now; your cousin helped me with it.

"Ok." Chin said while nodding. "Any chance Kono stopped by yesterday?"

Ah, there it was. Steve had to bit back a chuckle at Chin's attempt at subtlety. He figured Kono was the whole reason Chin had dropped by in the first place.

"Yeah, she stopped by." Steve said, crossing his arms on his chest.

"Did you guys talk?" Chin asked, suddenly much more interested in the conversation.

"Yeah, actually. She just wanted to check up on me. It was… nice… of her." Steve struggled with the choice of words, afraid that something would accidentally slip up. "And, don't worry; I already apologized for my… behavior… when she was fired." Yeah, something tells me she loved the apology.

"Oh, that's… that's good." Chin said, shooting him a small smile. "Mahalo brah."

Steve nodded his head at him.

"Any idea where she is now?" Chin asked Steve.

"Who? Kono?"

"Yeah." Chin confirmed.

Steve furrowed his brow at him.

"Uh, no, she left almost immediately after, didn't really say where she was going. Isn't she probably at her apartment?" Steve asked. She hadn't mentioned anything to him.

"No. I stopped by on my way here, but she wasn't home and she isn't picking up her cell phone either."

Steve's concern grew.

"Uh, that isn't like her."

Seeing Chin's heavy look, Steve just had to ask.

"You already have something in mind?"

Chin's head shot up towards Steve and he looked him in the eyes.

"I guess this is just the protective me but… I think she didn't spend the night at her house."

Steve almost chocked as he heard the words leaving Chin's mouth.

"You mean… uh… you mean like… you know-"

"Yeah." Chin interrupted Steve's stuttering.

And the only thing going through Steve's head was _'If only you knew'_.

…..

"And now… God, now I'm so confused." Kono finished, her hand running through her hair in frustration, almost forgetting about her friend sitting across from her in the table nestled near the coffee shop.

"Ok, so let me get this straight." Her best friend, Carla, said, furrowing her brow as if trying to come to a conclusion. "You guys have pretty much wanted to fuck each other from the moment you two met."

Carla saw the pointed look Kono shot at her. "What? It's a legitimate word!" she heard Kono mumbling something under her breath, but chose to ignore it. "As I was saying, you two have been craving the other-"

"Ok, that's not working either." Kono interrupted with a shake of her head.

"Do you mind? I'm trying to make sense of this here!" Carla said.

Kono huffed and dropped her head to her hands, waiting for Carla to continue.

"Ok, so, and no interruptions now, you two have wanted the other since you met, things are going great with the team, you kicking ass as always, and then you get fired. He doesn't even get his ass off his chair to visit you, and then after two months you come to him instead. Go girl power." Kono chuckled at that. "And he comes after you- oh, that's so sweet- and you guys end up having sex. You decide to forget it ever happened, but it happens again. Not much of a surprise there."

Kono shot her another look.

"What?" Carla asked innocently. "The guy is hot!"

Kono was about to say something, but her mouth snapped shut again. She couldn't really argue with that. **No one **could argue with that.

"Continuing. You guys do it again, and then when you two wake up the next morning and just decide 'hey, let's play friends with benefits'" is that what happened?"

"Well, not exactly-"

"All this went by and you didn't even think of inviting me for lunch?" Carla asked, mock hurt spreading all over her face.

"Well, aren't you glad that now you can hear it all?" Kono asked, hopefulness written on her face. This time it was Carla's turn to give the pointed look a try, making Kono's head drop back to her hands. "Oh God, I'm such a mess." She muttered, the sound coming out muffled.

Carla was taking a sip of her coffee and out of complete luck she didn't spit it all over Kono.

"A mess?" she asked, her voice coming out in a shriek. "You're kidding me right? Do you have any idea how many girls would literally kill to be where you are right now?"

"Well Carla, I would happily change sits." Kono said, her head still down.

"What the hell is the matter with you Kono? Are you like, lifeless or something? You are having private playtime-"

"Private playtime?" Kono interrupted her. "Oh My God I so need to teach you some euphemisms for sex."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Carla said, waving a disregarding hand. "Anyway, you are having sex with the hottest guy in the whole planet, and to top it off, that's just it. Sex. You can stop whenever you want; you can have it whatever you want. So why in the world aren't you jumping up and down and doing cart wheels right in front of me?" Carla's sentence ended in another shriek, which made Kono's head snap up.

"Because maybe, Carla, I don't wanna **stop** it." Kono shot at her.

"Well I can't blame you honey, if it were me I wouldn't wanna stop either." Carla said with a mischievous smirk on her face.

"No, not like that." Kono closed her eyes for a moment and tried to make her friend understand. "I don't wanna stop it. Ever."

"Well honey, I'm so sorry to disappoint you but I don't think that's physically possib- Oh." She stopped mid sentence as Kono's meaning finally struck her. "Oh."

"Yeah. Like I said, mess." Kono pursed her lips together. For the first time in her whole life, being right wasn't that much fun.

"So… you **don't** want… fun buddies." Carla asked more than implied, making sure she had listened right.

"No." Kono confirmed.

Ok, so she wasn't gonna make this easy for Carla.

"So you want like… a relationship?"

Kono's face etched with confusion.

"I… I don't know… maybe?"

"Ok, so you totally do." Carla concluded with a smirk.

Kono gave her a cold stare. But eventually she just gave up and turned her gaze to her hands. "Yeah. I do."

"Ok, so, what the hell is the matter?" Carla still didn't understand what was upsetting her friend so much.

"The matter is… he doesn't want it. He just wants us to be… friends. With benefits." Kono admitted sadly, starting to pick at her nails.

"Oh, honey…" Carla said, reaching forward and taking her hand in hers. "Have you maybe tried… talking to him about it?"

"No." was Kono's immediate reply. "If I do that, then this will end way too soon. And I don't want it to end." It was true; she didn't want it to end. But… "But at the same time… I don't think I'll be able to stop when the time comes."

"Kono…" Carla started, giving her a sympathetic smile. "Do you know why friends with benefits never works?"

"What are you talking about? It always works."

"No, honey, it doesn't." Carla assured her. "Because eventually one of you starts having feelings for the other. And then the whole no strings attached thing ends up ruined. And one of you **always** gets hurt."

"Ok, Carla, I'm confused, what are you saying here?"

"I'm saying… I'm saying that there are two options here. Either he feels the same way for you… or you're gonna end up hurt."

Kono looked her dead in the eye.

"So what? I'm just supposed to break it off because eventually I'll get hurt?"

"Well, actually…" Carla continued, shooting her a small smile. "That wasn't the option I was talking about.

It took Kono's head a moment to keep up with her charade.

"No way." Kono replied.

"Kono-"

"No, Carla." Kono's tone left no room for argument. "I'm not gonna get my hopes up for something that will never come true. It might hurt like hell when I break it off, but since he will **never **the same way about me… I'll just enjoy what I got now."

**Authors note: Yeah, I know what you guys are thinking. Such pigheaded, right? Don't worry, things are about to get a lot more complicated for the both of them… wonder what will lead them to confess their feelings… well, I guess you'll just have to wait to find out. But heads up, that's not gonna be for another few chapters.**

**Until then… I promise to keep you busy honeys…**

**It's almost eleven at night here, time to go to sleep. Sweet dreams and big thank you to all my reviewers and to my beta, Badhairdays!**

**And remember… if you want me to continue… review!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Mixed Feelings part 15**

**Authors note:** Huh huh. Honeys? I didn't get nine reviews last chapter. But I'll give you a pass this time. The last chapter was only to let you know how Kono felt and who she was telling it to and if Chin knew or not. Apparently… not. So, I know, believe me, not my best. But that's ok, because, and consider this my fair warning, there is some angst storm coming your way. You can already see the clouds forming… best be on high alert! Really high alert! So, if you wanna survive it… stay tuned…

And as always, my every chapter thank you to Badhairdays for all the support that she had been giving me through this story, even when I can be kind of a pain (sorry about that). And I am telling you, fellow readers, go check out her story "Staring contests and other games". Now!

Hope you like the chapter!

**Chapter 15**

The next few weeks were paradise for both Steve and Kono. They couldn't begin to describe how good it felt to be around each other again, to allow the other to be their only focus in the world. And the best part, it was only theirs. It was their little secret. Besides Danny (and Carla, but Steve didn't need to know that.), no one knew about them, no one knew what they were doing. Well, to be clear, Danny only knew about the first time, not the second. And third. And forth. And fifth. And… I better stop now.

When Steve left early from work, saying that he was tired and wanted to go home, nobody asked any questions. Nobody found it weird and nobody started to get suspicious about his behavior.

Well, not **nobody**. Steve was aware that Danny was starting to get just a tiny bit doubtful about what was going on with the two, but truth be told, Steve couldn't care less. If Danny didn't make the mistake of trying to butt in, the matter would be left alone.

Anyway, back to paradise. Or, better yet, back to Carla. Because Carla, wow, the girl had been having free meals five times a week, all of them with Kono. And the matter of discussion was always the same.

Steve. Steve, Steve and Steve.

And frankly, Carla was starting to get tired of it. Well, not tired of talking to her best friend, more like tired of her being so plainly blind. Countless times she had to restrain herself from reaching across the table and shaking Kono's shoulders and yell 'Honey… WAKE UP!'. Because it was torture to hear about what Kono had to say and not yell at her from the top of her lungs.

For four weeks, Carla heard about everything.

_Steve showing up at her house when night started to settle in._

_The cute little messages he wrote her throughout the day._

_The times they would wake up together in her bed (yes, because they wouldn't make the mistake of this happening in Steve's house again. Danny barged in without asking for permission too many times. Now __**that**__, could become a problem.), neither of them moving, even though they were clearly awake, just enjoying each other's presence and warmth._

_The romantic dinners Steve would take Kono to._

_The walk along the beach that always ended up with them in the water, playing and laughing and kissing._

_The innumerable times Steve would stop by her apartment, already late at night, around one or two a.m., with take out or pizza, and she would just smile at him, allowing him to come in._

_Them cuddling up on the small sofa in Kono's leaving room, watching a movie they had rented that neither of them was really paying attention to, Kono displayed almost completely on top of him, Steve running his hand through her dark locks and sometimes stealing a longing kiss from her._

_Going to a baseball game and Steve bursting out laughing every time Kono started arguing with the referee, and then ending up pulling her down and distracting her from the game with a breathtaking kiss._

_Staying up all night talking about the most meaningless stuff enjoying each other's company for as long as they could._

_And the way they were so comfortable around each other, able to be themselves, and loving every second of it._

And every single time Carla heard another one of these little moments between them, she couldn't help thinking this seemed more like a relationship than her most serious one ever did.

….

Kono was driving her car towards Waikiki beach. She had been in the best mood possible; it was literally like the world had finally started smiling at her. And oh, did she smile back gladly.

Things couldn't have been better between her and Steve. The last few weeks had been… amazing. To say the least. She had the best time in years with him and she was sure he was having fun too (oh yeah, he was definitely having fun). She had kept Carla up to date on everything, but she wasn't looking for advice anymore. Because there was one thing she hadn't told Carla.

Since the end of their first week together, she had felt something change in her relationship with Steve. I mean, after the agreement, because if she were to talk to when they met until now, well then, A LOT had changed. But she wasn't talking about that, she was talking about something changing since they had made their agreement.

It wasn't anything like she had prepared herself to be. She was expecting it to be ruff, just full of pent up tension between them for a loooong time. She was expecting it to be distant, nothing between the two but sexual chemistry.

It wasn't. It was nothing like that.

He was caring for her. He wasn't distant, he was as close as he could get. Instead of only spending the nights when they had sex, the nights they didn't, he stayed. He stayed in her bed and hold her until she fell asleep in his arms, her head in his chest, listening to his steady heart beat.

He cooked for her. Yes, this man actually cooked. God if she could keep him forever…

And every time he brought pizza over, when they had a rough day at work or when he was caught up there, they didn't jump straight to bed after eating, much like she was expecting. No. they talked. For hours. They talked about anything; everything. They laughed and shared and talked about their days.

And after the second week was over, she was pretty sure this wasn't just friends with benefit anymore. She was scared to admit it, but there was almost no doubt left anymore. And she didn't think there was any doubt left for Steve either.

And so, today she was in the best mood ever. Because today, she had finally come up with the courage to ask him. To ask him what was the real deal with them.

If this was really just for fun… or if this was something more.

She had just started imagining how she would ask him when her phone rang. She took it off her pocket and looked at her caller ID.

Huh. She didn't know this number. Frowning, she pulled up into the side of the rode and picked up.

"Hello?"

The conversation was over in a few minutes. The only thing heard from Kono's part were a couple 'huh huh' and 'yes'.

A minute went by and suddenly you could see Kono's eyes widening and her mouth dropping open.

"I'm sorry WHAT?" Kono half shouted through the phone.

Ten seconds went by and Kono's expression remained.

Five more seconds went by.

Until…

"So I'm… I'm back… I'm back at Five-0?"

**Authors note: AHAHAHAH CLIFFY! Yupi! Remember, if you wanna know what happens, you are gonna have to give me 9 reviews! So get those fingers moving my fellow readers!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Mixed Feelings part 16**

**Authors note: I only have one thing to say in this authors note.**

**WARNING WARNING WARNING! If you don't do well with swearing, don't read (although this doesn't have that much swearing as the other chapters). If you don't do well with angst, don't read. If you don't like Steve and Kono yelling at each other… DEFENITELY DON'T READ!**

**That's it for now. Hope you like this chapter, it is my type (angst, of course!), so I hope you enjoy it. Make sure you drop a review and let me know!**

**This chapter will be named after 'How to save a life' by the fray.**

**Chapter 16**

She had been weird all day.

Steve's mind was long ago distracted from the stack of papers resting on his desk. He had been replaying the last few weeks over and over and over and over again in his head, looking for one moment, one little moment, that could explain Kono's behavior the night before, when he appeared at her doorstep.

He couldn't find any. He had thought things were great between the two, like… really great.

He had never felt this way with anyone before, but he was getting used to that by now. Since the first time he met her, he knew she was special. It mind sound cheesy or cliché or whatever, but it was true.

And he had really thought, over the course of the last few weeks, that she actually felt the same way about him. Which is why he was so surprised when she asked for a rain check the night before.

Never had she asked for a rain check. She wasn't so busy anymore, and even if she was, she always made time for him, as he did for her. Always. She had looked so sad when she talked to him, and when he asked her what was wrong, she didn't respond. Just said she wasn't feeling well. But her face wasn't of someone feeling sick, it was the one of someone… hiding something. Something that, from the look on her face, was definitely not good. He hadn't pushed any further, didn't want to pressure her. But last night he couldn't sleep, tossing and turning on his king-sized bed, not able to close his eyes without the image of her sad face appearing in front of him.

And the image didn't go away for the rest of his day. Long ago he had given up on trying to get any work done, not when her words kept being replayed on his head.

He grunted heavily and dropped his head in his hands. What the hell had he done? He had screwed something up, that was for sure, otherwise she wouldn't be acting like this. It's just that… she seemed fine that morning; they had talked and made plans for that night, exactly why he was in her doorstep. They hadn't talked at all through the day, but somehow she was upset by the time eight p.m. rolled around.

He sighed with frustration and got up. He wasn't doing anything there, he might as well go and figure out what was going on with Kono.

….

Steve stood by her apartment door. He grabbed the spare key she had given all the members on the team since her graduation and quietly unlocked it, trying not to make any sounds in case she was taking a nap. Not her usual thing, but you can't be too careful, right?

He walked through her leaving room and peered into the kitchen. Nothing. Maybe she was out?

He made his way down the small hallway that led into her bedroom. As soon as he got there, he opened the door only to find Kono sitting on the bed, reading some sort of letter she held in her hands.

He cleared his throat to let her know he was there; he knew how much she hated surprises.

Kono's head whipped to the side when she heard Steve. A look of panic crossed her face, and she urgently stuffed the letter in her pocket.

"Hey!" Kono greeted him, giving him an unconvincing smile. "What are you doing here?"

Steve shifted his weight from one foot to another and crossed his arms on his chest.

"You gonna tell me what you were just reading?" Steve asked. Well, it wasn't really a question, because he didn't plan on leaving until she told him what she was doing.

"Reading? Uh, don't worry about it, it's nothing." She said, disregarding him. "But seriously, shouldn't you be at work?"

"Took a break." Steve explained simply. "And stop trying to change the subject."

"Steve." Kono breathed out in an exasperated sight. "It's nothing, just leave it." She said as she tried to walk past him into the hallway.

She didn't get very far though, because Steve immediately put himself in front of her. "Uh uh, you aren't leaving until you tell me what you were reading." He stated decisively.

Kono clenched her jaw and placed her hands stubbornly on her waist.

"It's personal, Steve." Because it was. Damn was it personal.

"Why are you trying to hide it from me, Kono?" Steve asked, imitating her tone.

"Steve." Kono said, her voice harsher now. "Leave. It."

Did she really think she was getting away with that?

She tried to walk past him again, which he allowed this time. But as soon as she stepped in the hallway, she felt Steve quickly taking the letter from her pocket. Jesus, could his reflexes be any quicker?

She whirled around instantly, trying to snatch the letter away from him, but… in times like this, she really wished she was taller than him.

She could point out the moment where fighting wouldn't be required anymore. His expression changed, another one of the many she couldn't identify, and probably one that Danny would classify in the 'aneurism face' category. But it was different. His face might have been cold, but his eyes were invaded by emotions, none that she could pick up on though.

She gave up and took a step back, her face dropped down and she stared at the ground. The first few seconds were silent. She didn't dare look up, too scared of what she might find in his eyes. Her gaze remained where it was, her hands at her sides, waiting for him to speak.

When he finally did so, it came out in a strangled tone.

"You're… you're reinstated." He concluded, his tone a little disbelieving.

Kono didn't say anything. She knew there was no need to.

And Steve let out a huff. Because he now remembered why this thing with Kono should never have started in the first place. About the same reason he never visited her in those two months. The consequences. Or the lack of them, at the time, but that now would be multiplied by a hundred.

"You're… back." Steve finished, reality hitting him like a bullet. He dropped to the bed and rested his head in his hands again, already having placed the letter by his side.

"Yeah." Kono said in a low whisper.

Minutes of silence went by, both of them trying to make sense of what would happen now.

"You haven't signed it." Steve eventually said, pulling her from her thoughts.

"What?" she asked, confused.

"The letter. You have to sign it, at the bottom." Steve clarified. "Why didn't you?"

"Yeah, I was… just about to." Kono said, lifting her head and looking at Steve. "Right before you showed up."

Steve nodded.

"Right."

Steve handed her the letter, which she took, looking it up and down for what felt like the hundredth time. Correction-for what probably was the hundredth time.

"So, I guess…" Kono started, eyes glued to the letter. "… I guess this is it, then. For us." She said the last part almost in a whisper.

Steve was silent for a few moments. Unknown to Kono, he was weighing his options, trying to find the right thing to do. Which he did, or at least what he **thought** was the right thing to do.

"Yeah." He said as he got up from the bed. "It is."

This time, he knew for sure he hadn't imagined it. He saw the flash of hurt passing Kono's eyes, and he was sure she saw the regret passing his.

"Wow." Kono said, but it was more of a disbelieving 'wow'. "So you're really gonna do it. Just… walk away?"

"Kono…" Steve sighed. This was not how he had pictured his day to go. "… I… we agreed. If you got reinstated, we would break it off." He said, feeling a lump forming on his throat.

"Right." Kono said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Right, that's exactly what we agreed."

"Kono-"

"No, Steve." She said, lifting her hand up to stop him. "Don't."

You know those times when you are about to say something that you just know will be the wrong thing to say, but say it anyway? Well, this was one of those times for Steve.

"Hey, what are you so mad at me about? It's not my fault we came to this!"

"No, it isn't." Kono conceded. Not for long though. "You are just the one who is all but ready to break it off."

Steve huffed heavily and ran a hand through his hair. "Kono, don't do this."

"No, you're absolutely right, Steve." Kono almost spat his name. "Why shouldn't we just end this? I mean, it **was** what we agreed, and it was just sex, right?" she gave a humorless laugh.

"Kono you damn well know this wasn't just about sex anymore." Steve said before he could stop himself.

Kono froze in place. It was the first time either of them had ever admitted that this was about something more. They had both known it, but never said it. She looked at Steve dead in the eyes and tried to see if he actually meant what he had just said.

Now, you know that second time when you just know you are about to say something you regret, but say it anyway? Well, this was it for Kono.

"So what? Is that supposed to mean something?"

It was her time to see the flash of hurt in Steve's eyes. He might have covered it up much faster than her, but she knew that it had been there.

"No. You're right. It's not supposed to mean anything." Steve said.

They stared at each other fiercely for a minute. Neither one of them willing to back down, neither one of them willing to admit anything. I guess that's why they called them such stubborn asses.

Finally Steve dropped his hands to his sides and started heading for the hallway. He was closely followed by Kono, though.

"So we're just gonna pretend this never happened?" Kono asked. It was incredible how many sides of the conversation she had taken by now.

Steve whirled around on his feet to face her.

"I can. Can't you?" he asked, his voice hard.

Kono gazed into his eyes, and for just a second there, just a tiny little second, she thought this was ridiculous. She didn't want to end this; she didn't want to fight with him again. She just wanted to be with him. Nothing else. About the job… they would figure something out, she knew they would.

But like I said. It was only for a second.

"Fine." She got out through gritted teeth, her voice full of venom. "Leave then. And don't ever come here again. I'll see you at work, _**Boss.**_" She spat the word with such anger that she surprised herself.

Steve was taken aback for a second by the tone in her voice, and especially by what she had just thrown at him. And that's when it hit him. There was no going back around this. This time, not even all his charm, heart and love for her would bring her back to him. Which just made him even angrier.

"Fine." He shot back at her and started walking towards the door again.

Not even five seconds went by and he was out of her apartment.

**Authors note: So? What did you think? Were you already expecting this? I don't think so…**

**Please let me know if you like it! Drop a review, don't forget!**

**And as always here goes my thank you to Badhairdays, you rock girl!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Mixed Feelings part 17**

**Authors note: Hey guys! Hope you liked the last chapter! **

**Thank you again to Badhairdays for giving me her opinion and supporting me through this story. You rock!**

**About this chapter: Well, as you should know by now, Steve and Kono broke whatever the hell was going on with them, Kono got reinstated and Steve is now completely frustrated.**

**Anyway, this chapter will be named after Nickelback's song 'I'd come for you'. It's such an amazing song and it had everything to do with this story. I really recommend you to listen to it while reading this chapter, it has such an effect!**

**In this chapter we'll see Steve's perspective of all of this and what he will do about it, and I'll give you a little bit of Kono in the end. Hope you like it, and as always, reviews please!**

**Chapter 17**

The minute he stepped foot in his house, Steve knew he had done the wrong thing. He flopped down on his couch, put his forearms on top of his knees and hung his head. Oh God, how the hell did he manage to get this whole thing so screwed up? You see what happens when you listen to your heart and not your head? This happens.

This was the freaking reason he had decided not to get involved with her. It would make everything a million times more complicated, and someone would always get hurt in the end. In this case, they were both hurt. He beat himself up over and over again. He should have been the responsible one here, instead of being the one that dragged them both to where they were now. Because now, when he should be happy as hell that she was coming back to her passion, to her family, to Five-0, he was miserable and the only thing he wanted was to be with her.

But, surprise surprise; he had screwed that up too. He had told her that he would be capable of forgetting about this, about the past weeks that marked him forever. He had basically told her she had meant nothing to him, that the time they spent together was nothing more than just good old time fun. He had pretty much told her… he didn't love her.

If only that were true. If it was, neither one of them would be in the position they are at now. Kono is back, pissed at him, he is broken, angry at her. It was only then that the thought that neither Danny nor Chin knew about this crossed his mind, but it was gone before he even got the chance to look it through. He had bigger problems right now.

He considered getting a beer, cool him off. But last time alcohol was involved… well, it **was** the reason the second time happened, so he quickly shrugged the thought off.

Sighing exasperatedly and as the weight of the world had been dropped on his shoulders; Steve got up and grabbed his car keys. He wasn't doing anything at home, might as well go give the guys the good news.

Kono was back.

…..

"What do you mean, she's back?" Danny stared at him like he was a three headed alien.

"She's reinstated." Steve explained. "Apparently the new governor changed his mind. Kono is back at Five-0." He tried really hard to keep his voice distant, he did, but no matter how much he tried he couldn't keep his voice from sounding the tinniest bit sad. He hoped the guys wouldn't pick up on it.

"Does she already know?" Chin asked Steve, somehow not completely convinced this made sense.

"Uh, actually she was the first to know." Steve retorted. "Don't ask me how. She just told me like ten minutes ago."

"Uh uh." Danny nodded, not entirely convinced either. "So… she's just back? When?"

"She starts again tomorrow." Steve said, hoping to finish the conversation as soon as possible.

"It was about time." Chin mumbled. "Alright, I'll stop by her place when I get out of here. In the mean while, paperwork calls." Chin said and walked off.

Danny, however, didn't. He continued to stare at Steve, who by now had his eyes glued to the floor. When he brought them up, he frowned at Danny. "What?"

"So, what happened?" Danny, asked, taking a sit at the table. This could take a while.

"_What happened? _What are you talking about? I already told you, she's back." Steve asked, confused.

Yeah, definitely gonna take a while.

"I wasn't talking about that, Steven." Danny said, purposefully using his whole name. He knew that was the way Steve realized he was serious.

"Then what were you talking about, Danny?" Steve replied, arms dropping to his waist.

Danny huffed. His best friend was sooooooooo stubborn.

"I was talking about the way you just said- _she's back_." Danny started, calmly.

"Oh, so you can decipher voices now?" Steve asked mockingly.

"Avoidance, my friend, does not work with me." Danny replied. A smirk grew on his face as Steve's jaw tightened. "Oh, this is gonna be good."

"Danny, drop the detective act. It's never gonna work." Was the only thing Steve said before making a pass to walk away.

"I bet it'll work on Kono." Danny said casually as he took a bite of the malassada he had left at the table when Steve walked in. He tried really hard not to laugh when Steve whirled around and stood slack jacked at his statement.

"You wouldn't." Steve stated with a disbelieving tone.

Danny just turned his head towards him, giving him a look. "Oh but I would."

Steve eyed him for a few more seconds. But truth be told, he knew Danny was gonna try the detective thing on Kono, and if Kono was really pissed at Steve, Danny would read it all even if she didn't say a word. But that was only if she was really pissed at him…

Oh… uh…on second thought, he would take his chances on Danny.

He dropped his hands to his sides and gave Danny a stern look before making his way to the table. Danny continued to eat the malassada, looking completely casual.

"You might wanna stop chewing on that." Steve warned, but apparently it reached deaf ears because Danny kept eating it like he hadn't heard a thing.

"Okay." Steve chuckled a bit. It was Danny's problem now.

"Kono and I have been friends with benefits." He said in two seconds. He completely burst out laughing as Danny shocked on the piece of malassada he had just been swallowing and started coughing away.

"You see. You can't say I didn't warn you." Steve managed to say between laughs.

"You think this is funny?" Danny squeaked out while still coughing.

"Kind of, yeah." Steve said truthfully.

"Okay, okay." Danny said, calming down. "Said that again please." He asked as he pushed the malassada away this time.

"You sure you want that? A glass of water first, maybe?" Steve asked mockingly again.

"Stop stalling." Danny said in a harsh tone. That whipped the smirk right off Steve's face.

"Ok." Steve started, preparing himself. "Kono and I have been… friends… with benefits." He said, calmly.

"Friends… with benefits?" Danny repeated, not completely sure he had heard right.

"Yes." Steve replied. As Danny's expression didn't change, Steve sighed. "You see, Danny, friends with benefits is when two people use each other for-"

"AH, AH, AH! I know perfectly well what it is, thank you very much!" Danny shouted, covering his ears.

Steve waited for Danny to drop his hands from his ears. He had expected Danny to freak out, but what he didn't expect was what came next.

"I am so gonna kill you." Danny stated, voice unwavering.

It made Steve wanna laugh to hear the words leaving Danny's mouth. "Right." Steve replied, taking it as a joke.

He really shouldn't have.

Because next thing he knew Danny had hopped out of his chair, knocking it to the ground, and was, with large, strides coming closer to Steve's chair.

"Wow wow wow." Steve said as he jumped out of his own chair, running to the other side of the table. "Danny calm down."

The only thing Steve registered now was Danny's murderous look.

"Calm down? CALM DOWN?" Danny shouted over Steve's voice. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"

"No, actually Danny I am not." Steve said as he took off running along the table as Danny made another pass for him.

"Ok, ok, ok, ok." Steve said definitively when he stopped in his tracks. "One punch. I'll give you one p-"

And that was pretty much the last thing he remembered before he felt a searing pain in his gut and lost his footing, falling to the ground.

"HEY!" Steve shouted at Danny as his stomach ached with the force of the punch. Ok, so underestimating Danny was really **not** a good idea.

Arms draped across his stomach, Steve tried his best to get up without shouting in pain again.

"Ok. So you're upset." Steve concluded.

"YOU THINK?" Danny yelled back at him.

"And angry." Steve added.

"YES!" Danny shouted again.

"Why?" Steve asked.

"Wh- YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" Danny yelled again. "YOU FREAKING USED HER!"

"No, Danny-"Steve tried to explain but was cut off by Danny again.

"NO? You just said, friends with benefits! Did you really dare to play that low?" Danny growled at him.

"DANNY!" It was Steve's time to yell. "Can you just listen to me for a Godamn second?"

As Danny didn't move a muscle, Steve continued.

Cautiously.

"Ok, Danny, I'm really gonna need you to drop the protective act over here." Steve saw Danny's nostrils flair. "Or, you know… not."

"Steven." Danny threatened.

"Ok, ok." Steve conceded. He took a deep breath but immediately winced as his insides protested. "Two weeks after… you know what-"

"You fucking her." Danny helped him a little.

"Well, Jeez Danny if you wanna be specific!" Steve said. Danny's face remained emotionless but Steve saw the smile tugging at his lips.

"Two weeks after we had sex for the first time-"

"Oh, I'm sorry, first time?" Danny repeated, making sure he had heard right.

"I'll get there if you let me finish." Steve replied. Just in case, he walked a few steps backwards, you know, in case Danny's anger hadn't completely fled.

"As I was saying, two weeks after we first had sex, we had that whole case with the bank robbery and the threatening the little kid-"

"And you saving him. Yeah, I remember." Danny urged Steve on.

"Danny, if you are gonna keep interrupting me-"

"Yes, I am gonna keep interrupting you." Danny said in a tone that left no room for argument.

Ok then.

"Ok." Steve said. For the first time he was actually scared of his partner. "Well, Chin apparently told Kono about that because she showed up at my door that night and we… uh… we ended up-"

"Having sex?" Danny provided.

Steve looked at the ground. "Yes."

"And after that?" Danny asked, folding his arms on his chest.

Steve began to fidget with his hands.

"And after that… we decided to… you know-"

"Play the occasional back seat fuck!" Danny asked shouting, his anger rising full force.

But Steve couldn't stop himself this time.

"Well, it wasn't always in the back seat…"

As soon as Steve started the sentence he was already being chased by Danny, and Steve ran full speed along the table.

"Ok, Danny, Danny, I was just kidding!" Steve defended himself, trying to catch his breath.

"You think this is some kind of a joke!" Danny yelled at him, stopping mid run. "Ok, I told you Chin was gonna kill you, but do you have any idea what he will do now? He is gonna torture you, and you know what? I am certainly gonna buy the equipment." Danny stated with a dead serious tone.

"Danny, come on!" Steve sighed exasperatedly. Not another one of Danny's rambling.

Steve pushed his chair back and took a sit as Danny started rambling away.

**Authors note: Sorry for stopping here, but it's getting really late and it just felt like a good place to stop. Soooo, did you like it? Please let me know!**

**And as always, you know the deal, 9 reviews honeys!**

**Stay tuned for the next chapter!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Mixed Feelings part 18**

**Authors note: Hey guys! How've you been doing? Thank you for all the reviews that you have so kindly sent me, it really means a lot you guys!**

**So, this chapter, I have a lot of people to dedicate it to. First of all, by amazing beta Badhairdays, that is a goddess for putting up with me (and that I love)! Then, Martha Smith-Jones, fantastic writer and faithful reviewer (love you girl!), fione s.t., that I keep bugging and bugging nonstop to get her to update (you know that's just because I love you too!), and finally to heyprincess, this is me welcoming you to our little Steve/Kono world, and that you have a great time here! Anyways, this chapter is dedicated to all of you my amazing writers!**

**In this chapter, we'll have Kono first (because I completely forgot to put her in the last chapter, so sorry about that!), then we'll have a little Steve, Chin and Danny surprise at the end. And believe me, although I know you guys will hate me for ending it like I did, you are gonna like the surprise very much, that is if you can guess where Steve is g- *slaps a hand on top of her mouth*, ups, not suppose to give that up yet! Just read and you'll know what I mean!**

**Ok, enough with my rambling. Let's get to the chapter, and for the ones that actually read all this, you are the reason I write authors note. Hope you like it!**

**PS: This chapter is named after Adele's Set Fire To The Rain. If you haven't listened to it, go do it now! You have no idea what you're missing!**

**Chapter 18**

She had had enough. She had had freaking enough of all of this.

She had no idea how she had lost all control of her life on what felt like a snap of her fingers. She had no idea how she had let herself get caught up in a situation that she **knew** was not gonna end well. And for what? Some guy she had met and fallen in love with? He was just a guy!

Hell, she would go to Australia or Canada or whatever and get over him in a blink of an eye!

Except she wouldn't. Except he wasn't just some guy. Except there was no way she was ever gonna get over him. Except this wasn't just a guy she had met and fallen in love with.

And that reality never stopped to annoy the hell out of her. Since when did he get to have so much control of her life and not even try? She had to support everyone while growing up and, the way she saw it, now was her turn. But no, someone had to show up and remind her that she was just the one that never got anything in return, no matter how much she had to give to others.

She had thought Steve would finally be the one that could make her happy. Not like the five kids and a dog kind of happy, but, you know, just him being there, making her feel like she couldn't be better with anyone else in the world. That kind of happy.

But that little thing called life just had to remind her that she never got what she wanted, not even if she deserved the hell out of it.

She stood there, still facing the door that had just been slammed right in front of her. And in that moment, it was like something snapped.

If Steve could forget it? Then so could she.

If he could pretend it never happened? Then so could she.

If he would ignore that something was really going on with them? Then so would she.

If he decided to be mad at her? Then so would she.

If he could deal with the fact that nothing would be going on between them ever again? Then so could she.

If this was the decision he made about all this? Then she would accept it.

If he decided to forget about her? Then she would forget about him.

If he wanted to pretend he didn't have feelings for her? Then she wouldn't say a damn word about it either.

She was gonna be back at work, and she was gonna show him, she was still the kick ass cop that let nothing get in her way. Absolutely nothing.

Not even Steven John McGarrett.

…...

Chin came in whistling. He actually came in whistling. Needless to say this made both Steve and Danny's heads turned to face him in surprise, as the older detective dropped his bag on his desk and got to remove some files off his drawer.

Steve and Danny shared a confused look before immediately jumping off their desks and racing towards Chin's office in record time.

"Uh uh." Danny cleared his throat from the doorway.

Chin looked up, still whistling, and gave them the "What?" look.

"We… we were just wondering… did something happen?" Steve asked Chin.

"Why?" Chin asked back with a tilt of his head.

"Because…" Danny started. "… you're whistling."

"And I can't whistle anymore?" Chin asked, arms crossed and a bemused look on his face.

"You NEVER whistle." Steve said with a disbelieving tone.

"Well I felt like it now. Is that a problem?" Chin asked, a smile on his lips.

"No, not a problem." Danny said, shaking his head. "But seriously, what happened?" Danny asked definitively.

Chin's smirk grew.

"And I should tell you because…" he trailed off.

"Because we're your friends." Steve rushed to say. "And because you just know we're gonna find out anyway."

Chin chuckled and nodded slightly.

"Ok, fine." He said, smirk still in place. "You really wanna know?"

"YES!" Danny shouted before Steve could even open his mouth. He gave Danny a side long glance; yes, the man definitively had some control issues.

"Ok." Chin said while sitting in his desk chair and supporting his forearms on the top of the table. "Malia and I… we're getting back together."

Steve and Danny stared wide eyed at Chin like he had just told them the sky was green.

"Are… are… are you serious?" Danny asked, stuttering.

"Yes." Was all Chin said, leaning back in his chair.

"But... didn't she…" it was Steve's time to trail off.

"Break up with me?" Chin provided, seeing Steve rubbing the back of his head nervously. "No. I was the one that didn't want her involved when the whole IA thing started, and so I pushed her away." Chin explained.

"Oh." Danny exclaimed in surprise. "Well, that clears it!"

"Yeah…" Steve said, still thinking. "But… why now? I mean, it's been quite a while."

Chin gave a brief chuckle.

"Two weeks ago…" he started. "… I had to go to the funeral of one of my uncles." Chin stopped the guys from starting to give him their condolences with a raise of his hand. "Wait. As I was saying, I went to his funeral a couple of weeks ago. Now, it's not like I hadn't been to a funeral before, lots of them regarding my family actually, but that day… I don't know it just… made me realize something…"

"Made you realize something?" Danny repeated.

"Yeah." Chin confirmed. "I know, strange, but I just finally understood that you have to enjoy things while you still have them. I mean, for all I know, tomorrow I might not even be here."

"Uhuh, uhuh." Steve nodded. "Aaaaand, you're just realizing that now?"

"Of course not, but that day I finally saw that you have to appreciate what you got, while you still got it, and if there's anything you want to do, then you have to do it. I don't wanna have any regrets, because then I'll only realize it when it's too late. You don't have a second chance at this, every day you just gotta go for it and… damned the consequences."

"You do know that's not the way it goes right?" Danny stepped in.

"That's just it, my friend." Chin replied. "It should be. You shouldn't be afraid of what comes next; you should go for it and shut the hell up with excuses. Believe me, if the prize is worth it, then so is the fight." Danny was about to open his mouth when Chin continued. "Metaphorically."

"And so you decided to go for it, with Malia?" Danny asked, you know, just to be sure.

"Yes. I didn't want another day to go by without letting her know I still love her. And so I went for it. And oh, believe me, it was worth it. We're back together now."

Danny smiled at the older detective.

"Well, congratulations man." He said to Chin.

Danny then looked at Steve, who had been relatively quiet on this last bit of the conversation. He was just about to open his mouth and ask what was wrong when Steve beat him to it.

"Oh fuck." Steve muttered, his face a perfect mixture of surprise and realization.

Before either of the man could say anything, Steve was running out the door and heading outside in a blink of an eye.

**Authors note: You know very well I couldn't let you go through another chapter without a cliffhanger! **

**Remember, 9 reviews! And believe me, you'll wanna stay tuned!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Mixed Feelings part 19**

**Authors note: Wow. WOW WOW WOW. Chapter 19. I did not think that I could ever write something this big. I just wanna say right now that no, this will not be the last chapter, because as a prize for sticking with me you'll all get a fluffy chapter next! But yes, unfortunately this story is, in fact, ending. I mean, I couldn't keep them mad at each other forever, could I?**

**Anyway, this chapter is dedicated to heyprincess, Martha Smith-Jones, Badhairdays and fione s.t. I will always love you my darlings!**

**Anyway, onto the chapter. This will be named after Nickelback's song 'Never Gonna Be Alone'. If you haven't listened to it, go do it now, in fact, do it while reading this chapter, and for the ones that already know it, you will have a pretty good idea of what will happen in this chapter.**

**But seriously, while reading this, listen to the song. It's amazing!**

**Hope you all like this chapter! Oh, almost forgot. WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! ANGST!**

**There you have it. Don't like angst? Don't read. Reeeeeeaaaaally don't read!**

**And don't forget, at least 9 reviews! No, let's start the chapter, shall we?**

**Chapter 19**

"Kono, please open up." Steve pleaded, still knocking on the door.

For the last five minutes he had been trying to get her to open her apartment door, with no luck whatsoever. He knew she was there, he could hear her perfectly fine walking around her leaving room and kitchen, and he knew she was ignoring him. But he couldn't blame her, she was hurt. And he had caused that. The one thing he swore to himself to never do again. Hurt her.

"Kono…" he had to keep trying. He wasn't gonna let her go. Not this time, not… now. He had been stupid, an ass, a perfect idiot for ever letting her go when he was given even the slightest chance of having her. Who in their right mind would ever let her get away without a fight?

Well, apparently he had been stupid enough to do so.

"Beautiful, please…" Steve continued knocking on the door. He couldn't give up now. He wouldn't.

He knew it this time. This time he was for real. He wanted all in. He wanted to be with her and to be there for her and to hold her close to him, and this time he knew he was never letting her go.

"Don't call me beautiful."

He was interrupted from his thoughts by Kono's voice coming from the other side of the door, a little muffled, but oh did he understand her just fine.

"Why not?" Steve asked calmly. He was making progress, at least now she was talking to him.

"Go away." Her voice sounded harsher now; it made Steve wince.

"Kono…" Steve dropped his head. Oh God what had he done? "… I'm not giving up."

"Why not?" she said, imitating his tone from before. "It's not like you haven't done it before."

It made Steve want to punch something as he realized how hurt she actually was because of what he had done.

"Can you at least open the door so we can have this conversation face to face?" Steve asked in a last effort to get to see her.

Three minutes went by and Steve was just starting to lose all hope to make this right when the door suddenly swung open, Kono appearing on the other side.

"What Do You Want?" she punctuated every word fiercely, her eyes burning with anger.

Steve took one look at her and guilt immediately swiped through his whole body. She had tears stains all the way down her cheeks.

Shit. She had been crying.

"Kono…" Steve said as he reached out for her.

Almost on reflex she took a decisive step back. "Don't you dare." She warned, anger ever so present in her voice.

Steve let his arms drop to the side. How could he have done this to her?

"Kono-"

"Tell me what you want; and then get out." She said, her voice flat and still so full of poison.

"I…" Steve started. He knew what he had come there for. He was hoping she would forgive him. But he was all too aware that sweet talk wouldn't work at all here. "… I wanted to apologize."

"If that's what you came here for, than you can leave. Now." Kono said through greeted teeth.

"Just please give me a chance to explain-"

"There's nothing to explain, Steve!" Kono shouted over him. "Absolutely nothing! Now get out of here!"

"No!" Steve said, both feet glued to the ground. "I'm not going until you let me explain myself."

"Until I _**let**_ you explain yourself?" she repeated in disbelief. "No, I don't have to _**let **_do anything. You made your choice, now you freaking live with it." She said, and that was it for Steve. Playing nice was obviously not working.

"Would you just listen to me for a second? I promise if you don't like what I have to say you can kick me out of here."

Kono seemed to ponder this for a second. Her face wasn't so harsh anymore but her arms were still crossed on her chest defiantly.

"Fine. But you better believe you're leaving after you talk." Kono said, her tone so cold it made Steve want to flinch. But apart from that, Steve felt relief wash over him. At least she would listen to him now.

"Ok. I was just with Chin and Danny and we talking and-"

"And that has anything to do with me because?" Kono interrupted him.

"Kono, please just let me-"

"Get to the point." Kono spat at him.

Steve took a deep breath. God, this was gonna be hard. She was so pissed at him anyone would notice it by taking one look at her.

"Ok, I will, but you gotta let me explain it first."

Kono didn't say anything this time. Steve chose to take it as a good sign.

"As I was saying... I was just talking with Chin and Danny back at headquarters and apparently Chin as gotten together with Malia again-"

"WHAT?" Kono interrupted him one more time. "He has gotten back together with Malia?"

"Ok, Kono, that's not where I'm getting at." Steve said, trying to get her back in track. "I was **trying** to tell you, that after Chin let us know about it, he started on a whole speech about-"

"Well that's new." Kono mumbled.

Steve ignored it this time.

"He started on a whole speech about… second chances, and living your life while you still got it and if you wanna do something you have to do it now and whatever-"

"Steve…" Kono urged him on.

"Right." Steve said, his mind coming back into place. "Anyway, he gave us a whole speech about that and at first I thought he was like, crazy or something, you can't just change your life for one moment to another. Except you **can**, Kono, you can if you try, and even if you fail, if you're really committed, you'll try again and again until you get it."

"Is there a point to all this?" she asked, her anger being replaced by exasperation.

"Yes. Don't you see it?" Steve asked, searching her eyes for any indication that he hadn't read her wrong, that she did have feelings for him. He prayed to God that she felt the same way about him because he wasn't sure he could live without her now.

"Am I supposed to?" Kono replied, her eyes squinting at him as if to tell him 'get on with it, I haven't got all day.'

Steve let out a huff.

"Kono… I am trying to tell you here, I… I don't wanna have any regrets. I don't want to look back one day and wonder. Wonder what would happen if I had done just one little thing that could change my life forever. I don't wanna wonder, Kono, and I don't wanna have doubts. Want to be able to look back and be at complete peace with my decisions, actually know that I did the right thing." Steve said, his eyes pleading with hers.

Kono's face saddened a little. She pursed her lips together, and pushed a stray of hair away from her face.

"So why did you come here?" she asked, her face giving nothing away.

Steve tilted his head to the side and let a small smile appear on his handsome features.

"Kono, you have to know the answer to that. Because of you. It's always been because of you." He crossed her door way, closing the door and stood in front of her. Her face had dropped, and he gently tilted her chin upwards, making her look at him. "I want a second chance, Kono. I want a second chance with you. To be with **you**. To actually have a relationship with you."

He made her look at him. His eyes got lost in the deep brown pools that were hers, and he completely forgot about anything else. His eyes flickered from hers to her lips, slightly parted, making them that much more desirable.

He leaned in, gently, carefully, slipping an arm around her waist. He looked at her again, as if asking for permission. He found nothing there. She was… it was like she couldn't speak. He closed the distance between them, their lips smashing together, and he tried to put everything he felt in that one kiss.

How much he loved her. How much he cared for her. How sorry he was for never telling her how he really felt. How miserable he felt for having been so stupid.

How much she meant to him.

He felt her start kissing him back, just for a second. A tiny second where Steve thought that all wasn't lost after all. That they were going to make it, damned the consequences and damned what everyone else would think.

But like I said… it was only for a second.

Because as quick as she kissed him back, he felt more than heard her mumbling against his lips.

"No, no, no." her hands landed on his chest, pushing him away, and she turned around, walking a few more steps into her apartment.

"Kono-"

"No!" she turned around all of a sudden, and he saw her face full of anger again. "You can't do this to me Steve! We can't keep playing this game! It's like you're ALWAYS hot 'n cold, black and white! Just make up your God damn mind! You can't keep doing this to me, I will not let you!" she shouted at him from the top of their lungs.

"Kono, I'm not trying to play a game here-"

"Yes, you ARE!" she shouted again, her voice finally cracking. "You ARE! You are playing me Steve and I have had enough. I let you use me for sex, and I used you too. And then you tell me it was more than just sex, so you can walk away the next minute?" she growled, and without even thinking about it, she grabbed the plate that had been sitting on the coffee table and threw it at him with all the force she could muster.

She watched as Steve immediately ducked and the plate smashed against the wall that was facing his back, shattering into dozens of pieces, falling all over her leaving room.

"Get out." She said, her voice more dangerous than he had ever heard it, her body shaking with the force of her anger.

But Steve knew better than to walk out now.

"No."

"Steve I am warning you, get the hell out of here!" Kono screamed at him, but not even that scared him off.

"I will not leave you again, Kono." He said, his voice flat, decisive. "I won't ever leave you again."

And that's what it took. Tears started spilling out of Kono's eyes, she dropped her head, her hands coming up to cover her face, and her shoulders started shaking violently.

He didn't think twice before crossing the distance between them again, wrapping his arms as tightly as he could around her. He felt relieved as Kono didn't fight him again; just wrapped her own arms around and him buried her head on his neck, her shoulders still shaking, even under his strong hold.

It felt right. This, them, together. Being there for each other. Loving each other. Supporting one another and finally realizing what the most important thing ever was.

Them.

As soon as her sobs subsided, he lifted her head gently, and looked deeply into her eyes.

"I'm sorry." He so was. "I am sorry for what I put you through. But, Kono… I love you." He watched as her eyes widened the tinniest bit, before softening again. "I should have told you before, I know, but… I was… I didn't know how you felt. But I know you love me to, you just have to, Kono." This time, he did find it in her eyes. Love. "And I am begging you here, please, please give me a second chance. Give me a second chance to make this right, to make you happy. Because I know, that with you… I could never regret it. Ever."

Kono stayed silence, his words sinking in.

"Please say something, anything." Steve pleaded her.

She looked down, and seemed to think for a second. As he saw her face again, it didn't take her long to ask him. "How do I know you mean it this time?"

He smiled at her, the sweetest smile he had ever given someone. And without specifying any further, his lips descended on hers again, and this time, she felt it. She felt all of his love, all of his care, all of his heart.

She kissed him back just as eagerly. She had loved him for so long; she didn't want to waste another minute. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and she felt his hands cupping her face.

No more words were said. Steve knew how she felt, and she damn well knew how he felt. They loved each other. And they weren't giving up on the other, not anymore.

As simple as that.

**Authors note: HAHAHAH, don't worry, this is not the last chapter!**

**So, did you like it? Hate it? Love it? Drop a review and let me know!**

**Remember, 9 reviews at least!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Mixed Feelings part 20**

**Ending**

**Authors note: Oh My God. It's the end. I'm ending this story! *sniffles*. Oh God I am so sad! I am gonna have to start brain searching for another story to keep me busy again! Anyway, this chapter is dedicated to heyprincess and to Badhairdays, two of the most talented and fantastic writers I have ever met! Love you girls!**

**Well, in this chapter, we still have to let Chin know about all this, because he doesn't know a single thing that happened! And, yes, don't worry, we'll have some hot Steve and Kono fluff! And then… well, then I'll have to figure something out! But just a little side bar, you have probably figured out by now that I do not include Lori in this story. You wanna know why? Because I hate her. I know that many of you love her and even think her and Steve are a good match but my heart his set on Steve and Kono only, so she is not to be included here.**

**Oh well. And hey, I know that when you are reading the last chapter there's not really much point in reviewing, but the writers love that, it gives them motivation! So please, make me very happy and review!**

**On with the chapter! This one is named after Nickelback's 'If Today Was Your Last Day'. Fantastic song, really!**

**Chapter 20**

"Steve, focus! This is important!"

Kono only got an agreeing mumble from Steve as he continued to trail hot, open mouthed kisses down her throat and collarbone.

"Steve we need to go over this! If we want this to work out we have to set boundaries!"

Once again her words fell on deaf ears as Steve continued kissing all the way to her jaw line, leaving her completely breathless.

Needless to say; not for the first time.

Hovering above her, Steve pushed himself further on top of her body, trapping her there. She would have to have a talk with him about that later.

Yeah, later.

"Ok, if you're gonna pretend you're not listening, I'll just talk anyway." She said, trying to stop her thoughts from flowing away. "So, number one, no touching in the work place. And I mean it Steve, no touching! Number two, no kissing in the- mmmmmmm… oh that feels so good…." she trailed off as Steve started biting her throat lightly, leaving her gasping.

"I'm sorry what was that Kono?" Steve asked arrogantly as he raised his eyes to meet hers.

"Oh fuck it." Kono cursed as she rolled them both over, now being on top. "Now will you listen to me?"

Steve didn't give her time to talk any further as he crashed his mouth to hers, his hand cupping the back of her head and bringing her closer to him.

He felt Kono grunt against his lips and then she pulled away. "Ok, that's it. We have got to stop having these fights in the bedroom."

Steve chuckled at that. "More like inside the house." And his lips were on hers.

Kono let herself be rolled over by Steve again and was just starting to wrap her arms around Steve's neck when she popped an eye open, peering at her bedside clock.

"Oh shit!" she hissed as she all but shoved him out of her.

"Hey!" Steve protested, instantly missing her warmth. "What is it?"

She grabbed the clock and threw it at him. Steve caught it and it didn't take him two seconds before he was jumping off the bed. "Crap, crap, crap!"

"Oh God we are so gonna be late! It's ten past eight!" she said as she started sliding her jeans on.

"What do you have to worry about? You don't have to put up with Danny and his ranting for a whole day!" Steve replied as he put his black T-shirt on.

"True." Kono conceded. "Exactly how long of you two been married?"

She almost hadn't finished her sentence when a pillow came flying her way, hitting her square in the face. She only registered Steve's deep laugh before she grabbed the pillow and threw it back at him, hitting him in the back of the head. "Oh, it's on."

She grabbed another pillow and threw it at him, but this time it missed him by a few feet.

"Jeez Kono, for a cop you would think your aim would be much bet-"

Steve never got to finish his sentence as another pillow hit him in the face as well, muffling all the sounds.

Kono broke down in a fit of giggles, laughing uncontrollably on top of the bed, until she felt Steve on top of her again, trapping her there and pushing a pillow just below her neck.

Kono tried to struggle free, but Steve kept her down with his weight. "Just where do you think you're going?" he asked teasingly as his breath ghosted across her face, making her eyes flutter closed.

She was just about to give up on breaking free when…

Their cell phones rang. Both of them.

Their eyes snapped open, Kono's eyes as wide as saucers, and they were off the bed and heading towards the bedside table in less than two seconds.

"Danny!"

"Chin!" Steve and Kono greeted at the same time into their cell phones.

"Yes, I'll be right in, don't worry coz."

"Danny, would you stop the nagging? I'm on my way!"

"No I have not seen McGarrett. I told you, I'm still at home."

Steve shot her a look as if to say 'Oh really?'

"No Danny, I have not seen Kono! What? Well how am I supposed to when I'm still driving to headquarters?"

"Noise? What are you talking about coz, there's no noise!" Kono shot Steve a 'keep your mouth shut' look.

"Danny, I know, I know, I'll be there in like two minutes. Why am I whispering? Danny just shut up. I'll see you in two." And Steve hung up.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be there in five. Yeah, ok, bye coz." And Kono hung up.

Both of them let out the breath they had been holding as they put their phones back down.

"No, where were we?" Steve said as he started walking towards her.

"Are you kidding me?" Kono half shouted at him. "If I'm not there in five minutes my cousin will be knocking on my door not a minute after and I don't think that's how I want him to know about us."

Steve grumbled something like "Fine, fine." And got back to dressing.

In two minutes they were walking out the door.

….

"Steve… we have to stop…"

"Yeah, you sound very convincing." He replied ironically, trailing kisses all over her jaw line.

"Ah ah, not funny." Was her reply. Really, she couldn't come up with something a little less… childish? No, of course not, not when this man was kissing her!

"Wasn't supposed to be." He smirked and he just knew she could sense him doing it.

"You do know we're already breaking rule number two right? No kissing in the work place! We've only been together for a day and you already can't control yourself!" she protested, but really, it's not like she was making any move to get off the computer table she was sitting on, with Steve between her legs (fully clothed, of course!).

"Well, first, **we **are not kissing. I am kissing you. And second, did you _expect_ me to control myself?" he shot back at her making her chuckle a bit.

He moved up to her lips, smashing them together, reveling in the feel of her. He cupped both her cheeks with his hands and felt her arms encircle his waist, pulling him impossibly closer.

"Wait a minute." She mumbled against his lips."Where are Chin and Danny?"

"Yeah, go ahead and talk about your cousin and my best friend while we're making out, that's not a turn off at all." Steve said sarcastically, pulling away from her for a second. "And they were getting take out from that Chinese restaurant down the street. Happy?" he asked as he leaned in again.

"Smart-ass." She muttered before starting to kiss him.

They spent the next five minutes like this, the thought of Danny and Chin returning not even crossing their mind.

It should have. It really should have.

"Ok, all I'm saying is that **this** is what you should get when you have no food prepared. Not some pineapple and ham infested pizza! I mean, come on, who in their right mind would even eat that stuff?" Danny continued rambling on, without noticing that Chin was doing everything possible to ignore him.

He was really starting to have a new appreciation for what Steve had to put up with all day.

They were just about to turn the corner into the bullpen when Chin suddenly stopped. Danny collided with him in not time, not taking notice of where he was going.

"Hey!" Danny complained. "Why are you stopping?"

As Chin gave him no response whatsoever, he turned around and followed his eye line.

He could swear his jaw completely dropped to the floor.

His eyes got seriously wide.

The cartoons almost fell off his hands.

**Steve and Kono. Making out like horny teenagers.**

He didn't know whether to be more surprised or pitiful of Steve. He decided to go with surprised. Not even all the pity in the world would save Steve from what was about to fall on him.

"Oh God you are so dead." Danny said out loud before he could stop himself.

Both Steve and Kono's heads snapped to the direction of the two guys, trying to see where the sound had come from.

And as soon as they spotted them… well, Kono just blushed an incredible shade of red like nobody had ever seen on her and Steve… Steve just took a step back at lightning speed.

"Uh, hey Chin. Danny." Steve greeted.

Danny looked at Chin, Chin looked at Steve, Steve looked at Kono, and Kono just looked down at the floor.

Steve was just mentally preparing himself for what was about to come when they were all surprised as hell as Chin's laughter filled the room.

Danny's head snapped to the side, looking at Chin like he was crazy, and Steve just shared an ultimately confused look with Kono, by which Kono responded with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Uh, ok, I'm confused here…" Steve started, eyeing Chin suspiciously. "Why aren't you trying to kill me?"

"Yeah, why aren't you like beating the crap out of him?" Danny contributed, because, you know, Danny is very helpful in situations like this.

"Because… I was just waiting for you guys to tell me." Chin responded calmly, still laughing though, earning him a questioning look from Kono.

"You were what?" Kono asked incredulously. "You already knew?"

Chin just smiled and shrugged a little.

"How?" Kono asked again.

"Well…" Chin said, taking a sit at the table. "Remember when I was at your apartment like a few weeks back?"

Kono nodded suspiciously.

"Yeah…" Chin started, his gaze dropping on Steve. "… you should have thought of throwing his shirt off before letting me in."

Danny almost chocked on air as he heard this. "What?"

Chin just looked at Danny. "Oh, right you don't know about this do y-"

"You saw the shirt too?" Danny asked before stopping himself. Again.

"What do you mean, _too_?" Chin asked him, furrowing his brow.

Danny would have slapped a hand on top of his mouth if he wasn't still holding the cartoons.

"Uh, nothing, nothing." Danny mumbled, looking down at the floor.

Chin looked at Kono. "So I'm the only one who didn't know?"

Kono gave him a sympathetic smile "Sorry."

Chin chuckled a little again.

"Ah, that's ok; I was just waiting for you guys to tell me anyway. I kind of figured when I saw the shirt."

Kono's head snapped to the side to look urgently at Steve. Steve's eyes widened a little as he searched any indication of what to do next.

Yeah, because there was just one little problem.

Chin thought they had been together since that night.

Oh fuck. So yeah, there was still a very good chance Chin would kill Steve on the spot.

Kono was just about to open her mouth to suggest they'd start eating, you know, just ignore that little detail about Chin not actually knowing, when Danny beat her to it.

"Wait a minute…" Danny said as if he was starting to realize something. And of course, looking at the ceiling, Danny completely missed the signs Steve was throwing him to shut the hell up. "… I thought you guys broke up."

Chin froze for a second, his head turned towards Danny. Then, very slowly, he turned around so he could look at Kono, his eyebrows raised.

Steve had stuffed his hands into his pockets, suddenly very interested in a stain on the floor, and Kono just couldn't bring herself to look into Chin's eyes.

"Broke up? What do you mean, broke up?"

This time, as Danny had already placed the cartoons on top of the table; he did slap a hand over his mouth, realizing the mistake he had made. He threw Steve an apologetic look.

"Uh… we, kind of… broke up, like…. Two days ago." Kono said, still not looking Chin in the eyes.

"You broke up… just when you were reinstated." Chin concluded. "Why?"

"Well, uh, because… uh…." Steve stuttered. Because really, how was he supposed to tell Chin what really happened. Luckily, Danny came in offering his support again.

"Oh for the love of God they were friends with benefits!"

Chin's head snapped to the side, looking at Danny with a dumb-founded expression.

"Oh God." Kono buried her head in her hands, suddenly very embarrassed.

"You what?" Chin asked, surprised. And angry. Uh oh.

"Ok, ok." Steve said. Time to clear things out. "We… we had sex, like a month and a half ago. Then we did it again, two weeks later." He saw the anger rising in Chin, so he decided he better make this quick. "And then we decided to be friends with benefits, but just because we did have feelings for the other, just, you know, we were to chicken to admit it."

Danny chuckled at that.

"And then yesterday, after your little speech, I went to see Kono and we like sort of forgave each other and now we're together. For real. Good, does that clear things out?" Steve asked in the vague hope they would leave things like this.

Right.

Chin got up from his chair, and very slowly, started making his way towards Steve. Now, Kono knew that walk. It was the same walk he used when he was about to do something stupid, completely controlled by anger. He actually used it with a couple of her boyfriends.

"Ok, Chin, Chin!" Kono said, putting herself in front of Steve. "Chin. He's telling the truth. It's not for fun now. He loves me. And I love him."

Steve turned her around, surprised look on his face. He had guessed it, but she never actually said that she loved him. "You do?"

Kono gave him a heart stopping smile, before leaning in and kissing him passionately.

"Ewww." Danny said while covering his eyes. "I do not need to see that!"

Chin's expression changed. Just like that, his anger went away. Because he could see how happy his cousin was, and he knew Steve was a good man. He would keep making her happy. Because if he didn't… he'd have a talk with him later.

"Ok, we'll leave you guys alone." Chin said while pushing Danny along, heading towards the small kitchenette not too far from there.

Not that Steve and Kono heard anything.

They broke apart after a minute of kissing. Steve rested his forehead against her own, and smiled down at her.

"So, you ready?" Steve asked her.

She looked at him and gave him another one of her bright smiles.

"Always."

**THE END**

**Authors note: Hi! So, yeah, I know *sniffles*. The end. Anyway, hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writting it, and please, sugar please, review. It would really mean a lot to me! Like seriously, a lot.**

**Hope to see you in my next story honeys! Have a great weekend!**

**Love.**

**Diana.**


End file.
